Sad
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

What did you say to an ailing family member in hospice?

I tried today to think of the right things to say to my dad .he's been in hospice two days and is already declining. He spoke to me, but barely. Kept falling back to sleep..the cancer is aggressive. It was painstaking but I wanted to visit and be next to him. He yelled at me three times about no food or water. He's not had any drink in a whole day. I don't understand why hospice wasn't there on a Sunday to try to make him drink occasionally.

But I told him at the end of the visit when he looked at me a whole minute, that he was a trooper during this trying time and that I'd always be with him and he'd always be with me. I didn't know what else to say. I meant it fully. I didn't bring up Heaven. But he then replied as I was leaving , Be careful, love you. 😢
When I got to my car I was sobbing.

That could be the last time he talks to me.Im grateful he said it. I'm going tomorrow too and hope to talk a bit more but each day he's slightly worse. What did you say to a hospice patient?
Top | New | Old
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
It is hard on us to see that they're not drinking or eating but they do not need to.
We always have a lot we would like to say and clear up at these times, however if you don't get to say everything you want to say it's okay life is like that for everyone.
It is not easy to watch people drift away and I hope that you can find some comfort somewhere.
It's okay that you left and got some rest you need that.
Notsimilarreally · 31-35, F
I worked some hospice as a companion/caregiver, and it was difficult for me to know what to say often. I took care of them though. Tried to feed and drink, bathe if they wanted, hold hands. Whatever was needed. Tried to use humour because that's just me and smiling is always important.

Sorry you're going through this right now. The circle of life does not seem fair, or fun at times like this. 💚
my mom laid in a hospital bed for 2 months as she was dying. towards the end she could basically only "grunt" and my brother and i had to pretend we understood. only way we could communicate with her was with a sharpie, clipboard and paper as she was hearing impaired and lost her hearing aids while in the hospital...after one visit as we left she screamed my name out as we left the room. i knew she wanted to tell me she loved me but i just couldn't bring myself back into that room...i freaking balled my eyes out...the next day the doctors asked my brother and i if we should put mom in palliative care...it was a no brainer and mom would have wanted that.....she past 5 days later....

coral....i know what you're going through right now and i'm speaking to you as a friend. be prepared for the worst and take my hand in comfort 🫂....it's never easy
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@beermeplease That's just devastating to see you mom like that. I'm sure she did say I love you to you in her mind and heart..♥ It's been only two days for him and he's declined fast. (In hospice). He was a month in hospital. I appreciate your caring words 🪻
@Coralmist you can pm me anytime you feel the need to chat....my door is always open ❤
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@beermeplease Thank you Beer🫂
Zeusdelight · 61-69, M
Whenever my Dad looks like he is going to go, I make sure I thank him for being my Dad, doing his best and remember some good times.

He has been on the way out, and he is looking forward to it, so this conversation has happened a few times and I have not regretted it once. It is more and more one-way, but that is okay.

I then start talking to him about my current events to ensure he is included in my life as we continue to live.
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@Zeusdelight Does he have cancer as well?
Zaphod42 · 51-55, M
Just be there. Your presence means the world to them. I visited my dad every day while he was in hospice for as long as he could take…the first few days he would tell me he needed to rest after 30 minutes of visiting, and the last day he was barely there, slipping in and out of consciousness. After 10 minutes or so I told him I was just let him sleep, and told him I loved him and I’d see him tomorrow.
There was no tomorrow.
sarabee1995 · 26-30, F
He wasn't on hospice, but he was dying. I spent every weekend with him for about three months and just spent the time. I didn't say anything big or profound, but we did pray together and we watched a lot of football.
SatanBurger · 36-40, F
My grandma was in hospice, you don't have to say anything. Just being there is enough, they appreciate it more than you know
emmasfriend · 46-50, F
When my mother was in a coma, I was told that she could probably hear what was said.
Played her favourite music quietly and kept talking about happy memories.
RosaMarie · 46-50, F
Tell him how good it is to see him, to be here with him. Talk about family members, if there are any that he cares about. Especially if there is good news to share. The accomplishments, even the small ones, of kids. Stuff like that. Tell him funny stories..
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@RosaMarie He's always sleeping now, so I don't know if he can truly hear me or if he's in deep sleep but I still talked occasionally to him and even played him his favorite songs.
RosaMarie · 46-50, F
@Coralmist You're doing this the right way. You're doing the right things.
Thinkerbell · 41-45, F
I told them that I loved them, and held their hand gently.
Jordan420 · 61-69, F
i love you, i forgive you, i hope you forgive me
Cigarguy · 41-45, M
Just talk to him like you always have. Just being there with him is all he needs
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@HoLeeFuk Right he yelled at me twice No water. It's so sad. This just isn't right. I'll play more songs today. Ty again
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@HoLeeFuk I'm surprised today was better than yesterday. He has not yelled once. And talked more than yesterday. Really surprised. But it's false hope Bec I know it's short lived. 😞
Musicman · 61-69, M
I love you. ☹
eyeno · M

 
Post Comment