Family member wants $ to help pay for a lavish party I cant afford for Mom. Why should I have to pay?

While our father was struggling for the last several years of his life, my brother refused to help him. I bought him food, got him health insurance when he had none and fell from several strokes, bought him clothes, and got him into several nursing care facilities.
Now, he wants to show off with a fancy bday party for Mom - an idea that I didn't like because I live only on savings; no income - and wants me to help pay the thousands he committed after he made all the decisions and arrangements without me.
I live with Mom part time - fixing everything in the house and cooking for her (and her worthless husband) almost daily. I pay for things in the house with my money.

Am I wrong for feeling that I shouldn't have to cough up money for something I didn't commit to do?

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PHlover19701 · 56-60, M

I dont think you're wrong in how you feel. Sounds like you do a lot to help, which is more meaningful than any party. Dont get me wrong it's nice to honor someone with a party, but taking care of someones life needs is the best anyone can do for another.

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AmericanAvenger · 56-60, M

@PHlover19701 He already arranged everything - the party is in 3 days. The TV is my idea - he doesn't know about that because I was going to do that on my own (as I did for Mom's last TV some years ago. I got my brother to hide it in his house until Xmas but I paid all $900 for it - I didnt ask him to help and he didn't offer).

PHlover19701 · 56-60, M

@AmericanAvenger Wow...that sounds like some TV. Sounds like your brother is going to have a learning event then when he has to pay for everything...he should have talked to you first before going through with finalizing the party plans.

She'll forget about the party after a while, but come Christmas, she'll be thinking about you everyday she watches her new TV.

AmericanAvenger · 56-60, M

@PHlover19701 She does that now as the 65" that I gave her is what she has watches everyday for the last few years. She loves it. He spent $900 on a dog that she told us she didnt want after her old dog died - but as always he insisted. He did not ask me to help pay for that but there again it was his idea that he didnt tell anyone about

Perry1968 · M

His idea. His problem. You can be a saint in this life and people will still have an issue with you so just think mehh and let him pay for his martyr party. You helped your father unaided by him. Now its his turn. Im sure your mum would understand.

AmericanAvenger · 56-60, M

@Perry1968 Thanks for the input. I really needed some perspective. I dont konw how to answer his request for money now - I am sure he doesnt account for all the money I spent on our Dad (who my brother hated) so it probably doesnt matter to him.

Arrow17 · F

I always harsh to my family. They don't like me because they can't get any benefit from me.

You shouldn't help him. He can pay from his own pocket.

SlippingAway · 46-50, F

No, he should have asked you before he made all those plans. He didn't give you a say and so he should pay for it all.

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SlippingAway · 46-50, F

@AmericanAvenger I think you should be straight forward and say you don't have the funds to pay for that right now it's a frivolous expense at a time most people should be saving money (that goes for all of us) and if he wants to have a party for her he should pay for it all. It doesn't need to be that extravagant.

AmericanAvenger · 56-60, M

@SlippingAway Thanks - he has spent money already since the hall is booked and set for the party on Sunday. Suddenly he calls me last night to his house to discuss the plans that he and his wife have already made. He didn't mention money than but just sent me a text asking if I can help. I live frugally so he thinks I have a million dollars socked away (said as much to out Mom a few times)

SlippingAway · 46-50, F

@AmericanAvenger I'd just politely say no I don't have the money to spend on that. He shouldn't have done that last minute that's his bad.

Nitedoc · 51-55, M

No, you're not wrong.

AmericanAvenger · 56-60, M

@Nitedoc Thanks for responding

Nitedoc · 51-55, M

@AmericanAvenger No problem.

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