Family member wants $ to help pay for a lavish party I cant afford for Mom. Why should I have to pay?

While our father was struggling for the last several years of his life, my brother refused to help him. I bought him food, got him health insurance when he had none and fell from several strokes, bought him clothes, and got him into several nursing care facilities.
Now, he wants to show off with a fancy bday party for Mom - an idea that I didn't like because I live only on savings; no income - and wants me to help pay the thousands he committed after he made all the decisions and arrangements without me.
I live with Mom part time - fixing everything in the house and cooking for her (and her worthless husband) almost daily. I pay for things in the house with my money.

Am I wrong for feeling that I shouldn't have to cough up money for something I didn't commit to do?

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PHlover19701 · 56-60, M

I dont think you're wrong in how you feel. Sounds like you do a lot to help, which is more meaningful than any party. Dont get me wrong it's nice to honor someone with a party, but taking care of someones life needs is the best anyone can do for another.

AmericanAvenger · 56-60, M

@PHlover19701 Thanks for the response - I appreciate it as I have no one to ask about it - typically I would ask Mom but it is a surprise party for her. She deserves it and she will love it. That is the reason I am uncomfortable with my brother asking me to help pay. She also wants a new 75" TV which is what I was saving to get her because she is a TV addict and will watch it for the rest of her life. This is her 80th bday.

PHlover19701 · 56-60, M

@AmericanAvenger Maybe try to convince him to scale things down....or just go in 1/2 for the TV...and a cake, cupcakes, or whatever dessert she likes?

AmericanAvenger · 56-60, M

@PHlover19701 He already arranged everything - the party is in 3 days. The TV is my idea - he doesn't know about that because I was going to do that on my own (as I did for Mom's last TV some years ago. I got my brother to hide it in his house until Xmas but I paid all $900 for it - I didnt ask him to help and he didn't offer).

PHlover19701 · 56-60, M

@AmericanAvenger Wow...that sounds like some TV. Sounds like your brother is going to have a learning event then when he has to pay for everything...he should have talked to you first before going through with finalizing the party plans.

She'll forget about the party after a while, but come Christmas, she'll be thinking about you everyday she watches her new TV.

AmericanAvenger · 56-60, M

@PHlover19701 She does that now as the 65" that I gave her is what she has watches everyday for the last few years. She loves it. He spent $900 on a dog that she told us she didnt want after her old dog died - but as always he insisted. He did not ask me to help pay for that but there again it was his idea that he didnt tell anyone about