From what I have just read, I think he wanted to control you. It doesn't seem like he is a man with any love in him. I might be wrong, and he does love you, just had a weird way of showing it.

I'm curious, what is your relationship with him like now you are an adult?

A lot of the worst of people is two things that happen at once and are a paradox.

His idea of love involved hitting you. Not all love is good. As for why sometimes there isn't a good answer. Maybe because you're the girl. Or order of birth. Or whatever reason.

I'm sorry. I wish he was kinder to you. You deserve gentleness from others in your life.

Idkwts.. my dad was physically and mentally abusive as well. But he was an equal opportunist. He beat us all, ..he beat my mom too and I guess you could say my mom beat us too. She actually broke her arm spanking my sister. After that, she resorted to beating us with kitchen utincels. But those beatings paled in comparison to pops beat downs. I got my first set of sutures by age five. They're in my forehead when he threw me across the bed and I hit the nightstand. My first and only black eye came from him. And it was one of those swollen shut, red eyeball type shiners. I don't know how many fat lips. But the most humiliating was when he beat me with my own broken arm. In his defense, it wasn't the broken arm he was using but the cast that was encapsulating it. And he did it in my high school parking lot. But anyway that's not what this is about. I don't know why I do that. I go down memory lane and get stuck.

I think he might have claimed to love me maybe once or twice. I really don't recall him ever telling me but I'm sure he did. He must have. I remember one time him telling me he was proud of me. That was when I came home from war as a US Army staff sergeant, totally blowing his former Air Force rank away. I don't know why he was so proud. I didn't join because I was a patriot I joined to get the fuck away from him and when I came back I was still scared of him. I thought that would all be gone but it lasted a long time. I wasn't worried about being beaten by him anymore but he just made me nervous. He was always displeased about something and pouted until he got his way.

By the time I was in my mid-30s, I had my career going, but my house started my family had kids. All of my own without any help from anybody, especially him. But he would come by my house every now and then unannounced, and every time he'd show up, I would get that oh shit feeling, and think about all the things in my house that he was not going to approve of like my lawn needing to be mowed or my car's needing to be washed or dirty dishes in the sink. It didn't matter how prepared I was, there'd always be something that wasn't good enough for him he'd have to complain about it and be disappointed in me.

It wasn't until my kids turned almost 5 years old and maybe I was going through a midlife crisis, I don't know, but I started doing the math on everybody who claimed to be my friend or claimed to be a loving family member. I was weeding out the losers from my life. When I ran his numbers, they didn't add up. I had been cutting him so much slack because everybody said he was mean to me because his father was mean to him. When my kids are about five and I realized how easy it was not to be mean to your kids, that's when I removed him from my life. I didn't want him to interfering with my job as a father to my kids. I didn't want to disappoint him by not beating my children enough. That was over 20 years ago. We haven't spoken since.

My point is, words are words. People can say anything. You have to go by their actions to know for sure what's in their heart. Does your dad show you that he loves you or just tell you that he loves you? I'm not telling you what you should do as far as maintaining your relationship with him or not. I'm just telling you, if you're confused, don't go by their words, go by their actions.

As far as your past goes, you can carry it with you and let it Define you, or you can leave it in the past and let it remind you. I recommend the latter.

You don’t hit someone you love. A man should never hit a woman, father or otherwise. That’s either abuse or assault, or both.

Don’t be confused about him being a good father. He’s not.

Abuse comes in many different ways I can understand why you're confused .... 😕

I genuinely hope things get better for you....😔

You protect those you care about ,he was angry on your mistakes cause that could have hurt you..I think he cared about you a lot

Can't think of any nice words for him so I'll leave it at you deserved so much better. ❤

Dam.. have you talked to him about it? You should probably talk to a therapist about it.

Also when you look for a boyfriend, dont seek attention to fill a void that you might have from your idea of what love is from your father.

Also if that boy hits you, its not ok because your father did it. Its not normal and you can stand up for yourself.

No your father definitely was abusing you and not loving you. What he did was wrong and cruel to you.

try to remember this for the future too, any abuse especially physical isnt a form of love

Firstly, I'm sorry you went through that.
Your dad was abusive. You were the victim of child abuse. He hurt you to control you.
That's not love.

No, he didn't love you.

Do you have access to counselling services for free or an affordable price?

Be careful of men.

Abusers often justify their abuse with "I only did that because I love you so much".

If he truly loved you he wouldnt have been abusive to you

That’s not love, that’s abuse.

Nice words only. 🤣