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Please respon with nice words only. 😞

So, I’m just curious and wondering..

To the point, my father used to be a player. My mother was the third woman, and only with her did my father have a daughter—that’s me. If counted, I’m the third child out of six siblings, and all my siblings are boys, each from different mothers. One son from the fourth woman ended up living with my father and my mother, because they decided to stay together and take him in. Then, I also have two younger biological brothers.

But what confuses me through all this is… ever since I was little, my father often disciplined me harshly. He would hit me or pour cold water on me. I remember every time he hit me and so on, but at the same time, he also loved me. He said I was the one he loved the most. And I don’t understand all of this...

He hit me, but he loved me...

And I also feel confused, because out of all those boys, I was the only one he hit. He always seemed to get emotional or angry whenever I made a mistake. I never saw him hitting or scolding my brothers the way he did with me—he hit me and screamed at me.

I’m confused about all of this...

He hit me, but he loved me?

I don’t understand... My feelings are all mixed up.

I once thought, maybe it’s because I was the first child, and they say the first is like a “test,” since it’s their first time being parents too. Or maybe it’s because I’m a girl? Or maybe because I’m weaker somehow... I don’t understand... But he loved me.
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CountScrofula · 41-45, M
A lot of the worst of people is two things that happen at once and are a paradox.

His idea of love involved hitting you. Not all love is good. As for why sometimes there isn't a good answer. Maybe because you're the girl. Or order of birth. Or whatever reason.

I'm sorry. I wish he was kinder to you. You deserve gentleness from others in your life.
Bluebell1 · 22-25, F
@CountScrofula I'm a daddy's girl, I believe. He's the one who raised me when my mom was working. I believe I used to be a daddy's girl because I found a lot of my pics in the album. He loves me. This really confuses me. And also I found another baby boy pic too when I was a kid (my other brother) and this makes me think that he doesn't want me because I'm a girl.

Im sorry if this confused you too.

And thank you❤