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Renkon · M
Find her a good lawyer .... someone experienced in domestic violence cases. This is serious, and she needs proper legal help.
Also, how is she losing her home? That doesn’t sound right. She should check her rights .... especially if the house is jointly owned or she has been living there for a long time.
The most important step is to ensure her safety. A restraining order can help with that. It may feel harsh, especially to your dad, but this isn’t about hurting anyone .... it’s about protecting her.
I once told a friend the same thing. She filed a restraining order the day her husband hit her. She’s now safe, divorced, and in a much healthier relationship. It’s not easy, but peace and safety come first.
Also, how is she losing her home? That doesn’t sound right. She should check her rights .... especially if the house is jointly owned or she has been living there for a long time.
The most important step is to ensure her safety. A restraining order can help with that. It may feel harsh, especially to your dad, but this isn’t about hurting anyone .... it’s about protecting her.
I once told a friend the same thing. She filed a restraining order the day her husband hit her. She’s now safe, divorced, and in a much healthier relationship. It’s not easy, but peace and safety come first.
kimmy159 · F
@Renkon the thing is that we did all of that already. In the end she still went back several times.
They bought the house together so yes half of it is hers but she just doesn’t want to sell it and feel like she lost her home. She knows my dad will not give it up and just buy it himself.
Honestly it’s not like it’s a villa so even I don’t understand it.
I told her she can come live with me, she had her own rented appartment before as well last time she broke up with my dad and was away for 2 years. So I really don’t get it either. She could leave at any time, she just won’t and it has always driven me insane too causing quite some anxiety.
They bought the house together so yes half of it is hers but she just doesn’t want to sell it and feel like she lost her home. She knows my dad will not give it up and just buy it himself.
Honestly it’s not like it’s a villa so even I don’t understand it.
I told her she can come live with me, she had her own rented appartment before as well last time she broke up with my dad and was away for 2 years. So I really don’t get it either. She could leave at any time, she just won’t and it has always driven me insane too causing quite some anxiety.
Renkon · M
@kimmy159 Maybe she’s scared of being alone forever. Sometimes, that fear makes people stay in familiar but harmful situations.
From what I understand, you are the only support she has. One thing you can do is invite her to stay with you for a few days. Just let her feel she’s not alone. That small step might give her the strength to make a bigger change.
From what I understand, you are the only support she has. One thing you can do is invite her to stay with you for a few days. Just let her feel she’s not alone. That small step might give her the strength to make a bigger change.
Achelois · F
I’m sorry that’s a lot for you to deal with.
she stays out of fear, probably emotionally exhausted, it’s easier to stay than leave them, which won’t make sense to anyone looking in, she’ll make excuses for them, he probably has a nice side, so she’ll always feel torn between the abuse and when he ok, this can make you believe they aren’t as bad as you think, it becomes normal, it isn’t normal but that’s her normal.
She’s probably given up the fight for herself, abusive men make you feel weak, it takes strength to leave them. 😞🫂
she stays out of fear, probably emotionally exhausted, it’s easier to stay than leave them, which won’t make sense to anyone looking in, she’ll make excuses for them, he probably has a nice side, so she’ll always feel torn between the abuse and when he ok, this can make you believe they aren’t as bad as you think, it becomes normal, it isn’t normal but that’s her normal.
She’s probably given up the fight for herself, abusive men make you feel weak, it takes strength to leave them. 😞🫂
Pretzel · 70-79, M
it sounds as though they consider it "normal" and all you can do is keep yourself and your family safe. You can explain to your son when you think he's ready that how your parents live is there business but it isn't acceptable in your house.
What a sad life. Sorry this is your situation to live with.
What a sad life. Sorry this is your situation to live with.
YoMomma ·
My mom and dad had a horribly toxic relationship but he never hit her ever nor does he drink ever but they argued like hell.. i used to run away.. i know it’s hard to understand why a person stays with an abuser but it’s complicated.. i wish there was more done to rectify the abusers behavior to understand what they are doing isn't ok because obviously they think it is and a lot of the time the woman is financially dependent on the dude and it keeps her from leaving or reporting him because it’s detrimental to her to lose him and also some maybe love the guy too and enjoy his company (when he’s not being abusive) so the shit continues maybe they also hold out hope that it will stop idk but old habits die hard
Midlifemale · 61-69, M
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kimmy159 · F
@SomeMichGuy I think that’s indeed what I’ve been doing, but I found that a certain lingering anxiety came from that preparing for the worst but hoping for the best.
I’m not anxious every day though, more like when I’m reminded of it. And in a weird way, I often feel guilty about that too.
I’m not anxious every day though, more like when I’m reminded of it. And in a weird way, I often feel guilty about that too.
smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F
One day your mom will have to put her foot down with him. Stop the drinking and get help or she will have to leave
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