Family sadness
I just need to write this off my mind…
My parents have always had a toxic relationship.
They broke up several times and even got a divorce about 8 years ago around the same time I got married.
Yet they always end up back together.
I genuinely can’t understand. My mom can be mentally abusive and my dad physically abuses her in return after he drank too much. It’s a sorry excuse though and he drinks every day. He is addicted to it but because he continues to work and found a job where he can easily do this as long as his sales numbers are on track, it has never become a real “problem” aside for my mother and me.
His brother does the same and has been in jail for hitting his girlfriend before. When that happened, my grandparents supported him as if she exagerrated the whole story. I kept my opinions to myself, but I’ve seen this close hand with my own father.
While everyone was crying about this, I would have hoped it would wake my uncle up.
He seemed very calm when they released him.
Wednesday I had a shitty day at work and I called my dad to talk about my son’s birthday arrangements yesterday. I could hear he had been drinking a lot cause I recognize it beyond a doubt.
There is an old lingering and ever present fear for my mom’s safety when he is like this… yet I probably do what people do. Think the best of it, that I’m just imagining it, that he’s changed since I left home 15 years ago, that he seemed to have changed after they got back together about 5 years ago.
Yet yesterday when I went to my parents to celebrate my son’s 6th birthday, I saw my mom her underarm entirely bruised by coincidence when she lifted her arm up to grab plates for dinner.
They always use the plates I’ve given them because she likes them and yet, it were other ones.
I’ve become very perceptive in these matters so I knew something was up.
I waited until we were alone doing the dishes and I asked her what happened.
I wondered if she would tell me the truth this time or if she would lie about it as usual.
To my surprise, she told me the truth. And she was bruised all over her body. My father had clenched her throat again too whereas she has a permanent issue with her neck already.
What’s even worse is that my uncle and a friend of my father were present when it happened this time.
Although the friend left after he said I do not approve of this… my uncle did nothing to intervene.
My uncle went through some shitty stuff too. His true love died of illness and from what I know he never mistreated her. But I hate him. He never thinks about anyone but himsel and he has no real respect for women. I am very sure he did mistreat the woman he was sent to jail for. Towards me he always seeks contact and reaches out when he’s going through a rough time, but I just can’t let him in. Not more than a friendly hello how are you anyway…
I keep on asking my mother why she chooses to stay… I can’t understand.
My mom says she would lose the house she spent her entire life working for and she just doesn’t want to give that up. That it’s also my inheritance.
Although I get she doesn’t want to lose her property, I don’t get why she would sacrifice her wellbeing for it. It’s not like she has no places to go.
I feel very conflicted about this today.
As usual my husband is of no support when I need him to be. He’s in Helsinki for his training for the company and it’s important for his career. When I told him what happened yesterday over the phone, he said there’s not much I can do about it (which is true…) and then he had to hop on the taxi and told me he’d call me back. When he did he talked about other things right away again.
Meanwhile it’s just another thing I need to process myself. While having an ongoing migraine and while taking care of our son.
I guess I was naieve for thinking things sometimes change for the better.
My parents have always had a toxic relationship.
They broke up several times and even got a divorce about 8 years ago around the same time I got married.
Yet they always end up back together.
I genuinely can’t understand. My mom can be mentally abusive and my dad physically abuses her in return after he drank too much. It’s a sorry excuse though and he drinks every day. He is addicted to it but because he continues to work and found a job where he can easily do this as long as his sales numbers are on track, it has never become a real “problem” aside for my mother and me.
His brother does the same and has been in jail for hitting his girlfriend before. When that happened, my grandparents supported him as if she exagerrated the whole story. I kept my opinions to myself, but I’ve seen this close hand with my own father.
While everyone was crying about this, I would have hoped it would wake my uncle up.
He seemed very calm when they released him.
Wednesday I had a shitty day at work and I called my dad to talk about my son’s birthday arrangements yesterday. I could hear he had been drinking a lot cause I recognize it beyond a doubt.
There is an old lingering and ever present fear for my mom’s safety when he is like this… yet I probably do what people do. Think the best of it, that I’m just imagining it, that he’s changed since I left home 15 years ago, that he seemed to have changed after they got back together about 5 years ago.
Yet yesterday when I went to my parents to celebrate my son’s 6th birthday, I saw my mom her underarm entirely bruised by coincidence when she lifted her arm up to grab plates for dinner.
They always use the plates I’ve given them because she likes them and yet, it were other ones.
I’ve become very perceptive in these matters so I knew something was up.
I waited until we were alone doing the dishes and I asked her what happened.
I wondered if she would tell me the truth this time or if she would lie about it as usual.
To my surprise, she told me the truth. And she was bruised all over her body. My father had clenched her throat again too whereas she has a permanent issue with her neck already.
What’s even worse is that my uncle and a friend of my father were present when it happened this time.
Although the friend left after he said I do not approve of this… my uncle did nothing to intervene.
My uncle went through some shitty stuff too. His true love died of illness and from what I know he never mistreated her. But I hate him. He never thinks about anyone but himsel and he has no real respect for women. I am very sure he did mistreat the woman he was sent to jail for. Towards me he always seeks contact and reaches out when he’s going through a rough time, but I just can’t let him in. Not more than a friendly hello how are you anyway…
I keep on asking my mother why she chooses to stay… I can’t understand.
My mom says she would lose the house she spent her entire life working for and she just doesn’t want to give that up. That it’s also my inheritance.
Although I get she doesn’t want to lose her property, I don’t get why she would sacrifice her wellbeing for it. It’s not like she has no places to go.
I feel very conflicted about this today.
As usual my husband is of no support when I need him to be. He’s in Helsinki for his training for the company and it’s important for his career. When I told him what happened yesterday over the phone, he said there’s not much I can do about it (which is true…) and then he had to hop on the taxi and told me he’d call me back. When he did he talked about other things right away again.
Meanwhile it’s just another thing I need to process myself. While having an ongoing migraine and while taking care of our son.
I guess I was naieve for thinking things sometimes change for the better.
