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Coming to terms with the fact that you are your mother's least favorite child...

I've invited her out to eat 3 times, she declined.
I live 15 minutes away from her, however, she will drive 30 minutes away to go visit my sisters. She will come over if she needs help with her computer or smartphone.
She will ask me to come over to fix her TV.
She recently indicated that she was sad so i offered to come over and bring her food and drink ... no response. When my sister invited her over, she's on top of that.

My mother is 75 and we've never really been that close, but damn, why not just tell me to my face that you'd rather not be bothered instead of ignoring and avoiding me. It's additionally aggravating because there's no talking with her about how I feel. She'd just downplay the issue.
Queendragonfly · 31-35, F Best Comment
I can be wrong. But if she has had this type of "off" bond with you, practical matters is a good way to say "I appreciate you and need you" because it's scary to be completely vulnerable if that isn't the sort of connection you guys have. Remember that she's a boomer. To be vulnerable and express how she feels isn't in their blood.

My dad is simliar to her that way. He's same age, calls to talk about dilemmas and issues and he wanna fix things practically or get help practically. That's his way to say "You're my daughter, I love you, I need you"

He recently saw me stand up for him and after that we have bonded more emotionally and he has started to say what he feels. He's still hiding under practical issues but I see what he's a trying to say.

If she tells you she feels lonely. That's something very beautiful. But she might be more comfortable to see your sister. Maybe she had kids? Or they have a relationship that makes her less challenged. But that doesn't mean she doesn't love you equally.

She's old. She's not gonna stay that long so if I were you I wouldn't hold it against her. Just be with her and let her get what she needs whether she gets it from you or your sister.
@Queendragonfly Yes, I appreciated your response and saved it for future viewing when I'm feeling slighted.
Queendragonfly · 31-35, F
@DreamyCrush Feel free to dm me if she's grinding your gears so to speak. 💚
@Queendragonfly Thank You! 🤗

StrictDiscipline · 56-60, M
I would stop initiating any contact with her and wait for the requests for technical help. Just say you are busy each time and eventually she will stop contacting you entirely.

Then you know where you stand and have confirmation that she was never really interested in you as a person. I would rather face the truth than live a lie pretending that she really cares about me. You can't make people like you so best to cut them loose.
zorroo · 56-60, M
@DreamyCrush please don't do that, she is the one who brought you to life, whatever is going on between you and her never forget that she is the one who raised you when you were a little girl.
just ask any one who lost their mother and see how much they are willing to do or pay just to see their mother alive again just for a moment.
Fluffybull · F
@zorroo Some mothers deserve more respect than others in my experience.
zorroo · 56-60, M
@Fluffybull each one of us has only one mother and she is the only one who deserves son/daughter's respect and love, other mothers are all equals for being loved or respected.
Emjay · 18-21, F
I became much happier when my mother died. Not all mothers are good at mothering.
Fluffybull · F
@Emjay 👌👏👏👏❤️
Fungirlmmm · 51-55
I can understand this well. I am the one that sacrifices to take care of them and after a year my brother decides he wants to take over much of it. It has cost me a lot of money and my emotional health but i keep doing things because I love them. I live the furthest away too. I feel you so deeply because I could have written it. I will keep you in my thoughts.
@Fungirlmmm Thank you for your feedback and understanding. 🤗 Sending warm thoughts to you as well.
OreoTheSkunk · 31-35, MVIP
Why do anything for her then? I wouldn’t lift a finger for someone like that. You do do and do for her but she can’t return the favor? The next time she needs help with her computer, or her phone or her TV, why not return the favor and shoot her down! Decline anything and everything she asks of you. She does the same to you, so why not?
@OreoTheSkunk I get it. What crosses my mind often is that when the time comes, I'll be the one looked to for final arrangements since she has no life insurance. However, if she survives me there are other people, more active in my life, that I'd rather list as beneficiaries, but I doubt their spouses would appreciate that.
Fluffybull · F
@OreoTheSkunk Exactly! It's just masochistic to put up with treatment like this. 👏
Fluffybull · F
I'd cut her out of your life. People who can't behave decently should be avoided even if (or maybe especially if) they're family.
Zonuss · 41-45, M
Any mother who treats their child as less than is not an ideal mother.
revenant · F
The thing is it is kind of true that you teach people how to treat you. If you let her carry on treating you like a commodity when she needs you and then reject you when no longer needed, it will never end.

In my opinion she is getting away with the bad treatment of you because you let her and find excuses.
atlantic59 · 61-69, M
I hear your pain and disappointment.

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