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So I have this little brother with autism

He's 19 now but he's still just a kid & he still needs help.

He lives with my mom, who is very unstable. She bounces place to place & rarely has her own place to live. My little brother doesn't have anyone else but her to rely on. His dad died long ago, & he doesn't know that side of his family. & Our mom's side of the family wants nothing to do with her.. so she has nobody in her family either. Therefore, my brother has no one else but my mom.

My mom has been on drugs for a long time. Sometimes she's better, sometimes she's not. Months ago, she disappeared without a word or warning. Her apartment got locked due to non-payment, & she was just gone 🤷 nobody knew where she was... not even my little brother who my mom's supposed to be there for.
It took her daaays before she reappeared & took him with her. Still don't know where she went though.

My little brother just called me this morning for the first time ever since all that happened. He didn't sound concerned, he was chilling, watching tv at the moment. So we just talked about how he's doing & what he's been doing for fun, how he's been making money (he always helps people & makes money for it.. idk how lmao).

It makes me happy he sounds okay & that he has a phone again to call me. But I'm still disappointed in my mom 😒 like you're all that kid has, why do you have to make him live like this? 😔

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that1funnyblonde · 36-40, F Best Comment

That seriously warmed my heart and gave me the warm fuzzies!!!! I can kinda relate. My little brothers not Autistic but he has some learning disabilities. I finally talked our Mom into giving me guardianship of him when he was 16 and had already been living with me for awhile so I could get him back into school. He graduated high school (Im sure in spite of me and not because of me 🤣) and while hes had some rough times, hes doing great with a family of his own now. Im super proud of him!

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@that1funnyblonde damn that's awesome 😌 that makes me so happy that he turned out to have a good life 🙏 you're an amazing person for helping him with that however you could 🥺

I used to always wonder how my brothers life would turn out. Like if he'd be functional enough to find love & maintain a family of his own someday. He has such a loving heart & I'd hate for him to miss out on that. I guess I still hope to see it someday

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@that1funnyblonde gave you BC but thats for me being proud of your brother too 🖤🙏

that1funnyblonde · 36-40, F

@ChiefJustWalks Awww...thank you!!! 🤗 Just being available to have a little conversation with your brother is a big deal and all we can do is give whatever we can, when we can. Obviously were always going to hold onto those hopes and dreams for them no matter what!

DeluxedEdition · 26-30, F

My sisters mom does this. One time my sisters little brother was threatening to kill himself and he hasn’t been to school in years. He was 13 years old and illiterate and extremely overweight because all he does is eat snacks

I hate to even admit to this but I was so concerned I actually called cps on them. They probably saw that she had them living in a borderline crack house and removed him and now he’s living with his best friend

Again I hate to do that because I have personally been a victim of systemic abuse by my sons family calling dcf on me and making up false allegations but I felt like it was necessary. Especially when this poor kid is crying about his mom not wanting him and threatening to kill himself

My sister isn’t much better. She’s basically a drug dealer with her gang banging boyfriend and he’s in prison currently because he set her up. My mom and her friend are raising her two small kids but the sad part is when my sister gets out she’s just going to go back to doing it again. I’m pretty sure she’s strung out on meth

These kind of situations hurt so bad because all you can do is spectate while the unjust acts are being done to our loved ones, and there isn’t much we can do to help. And it’s so heartbreaking.

What are we supposed to do? Not think about it? I wish I could tell you something reassuring but the sad reality is these kinds of situations out out of our hands 😞

I’ll be praying for you 🙏

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@DeluxedEdition i get that. It sucks because you see it but you can't really do anything yourself. I wish I had the means to just take my brother & have him live with me but I can't 😔
You probably did the right thing regarding your sister's little brother. As much as it sucks to see them taken away, sometimes the environment they live in is worse anyway. So being taken away from it might help more than harm.

I have a different little brother who lives with an adopted family. I just barely found out about this because his dad disappeared with him years ago. My mom has been depressed ever since they disappeared trying to find them because she wants her son back. Actually, it turns out THAT is the reason she disappeared months ago.
She found her ex husband so she went to him in person to find her son. Only to find out he gave their son up to another family they don't even know.

She wrote me a long message explaining all of this, which has been her only contact with me since this all happened. I took a few days to even say anything but I was still disappointed. Because I get it... but I looked up the family he's with after I found out. They look like a married couple who began adopting kids. Idk their background but I can't help but think "isn't he better off where he's at, instead of going back to his mom or dad who are both on drugs & unstable as hell?"
Like I miss him too & I feel bad for him because I hope he doesn't feel unloved by his real family, but at the same time, maybe that's the best chance at life he has right now.

I do wish your family well though 🙏 I hope your sister straightens out, even though sometimes that never happens.. i still hope though.

DeluxedEdition · 26-30, F

@ChiefJustWalks I heard this saying once and the saying goes “just because the decision made you sad doesn’t mean it was the wrong decision”

I think your adopted brother is better off. I hope and pray the situation for your autistic brother can get better. Your mom needs to put him first. Your kids will always love you the drugs don’t do anything good except destroy

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@DeluxedEdition yeah I agree. I get that my mom misses her son.. but he's okay. She needs to put her focus on the one she has first.. while he's still there

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

My mother and I do NOT get along, much for this same reason. She neglected my brother and me when we were kids. Not just emotional neglect, but ACTUAL neglect, where we would be left home alone for months without food and sometimes without electricity or water.

Some people should never have had kids.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@DearAmbellina2113 that's messed up, I'm sorry 😔 kids shouldn't be left to fend for themselves like that. That's still abuse. Definitely not everyone should be allowed to have kids.

Valerian · 100+, M

There are resources, good programs, living situations for him available, there's disability money, (His, not your Mom's, to use ... that can get him to a great place, training programs, etc.)

Plus why does he have to stay "there"? Sounds like being near Mom isn't
ideal for him, it's just "familiar". How long will it be from now when she "more gone" totally gone leaving him maybe abje to scrape by.
Go to him, go see him, go rescue him from dragons that ge cannot even perceive.

There are beautiful areas, places all over the country that might have things to offer him a better opportunity, programs, community outreach, people that don't just feel sorry or force to assist as a job, but truly care.

Hundreds of people here will help,

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Valerian I hope something happens soon. I should start talking to people with connections or care-type facilities just to get ideas of what the options are.. because all that sounds like so much stuff I don't even know how to handle rn. I know nothing 😔

Valerian · 100+, M

@ChiefJustWalks Those facilities do know, they will help!
Start with One
Ask Questions
Ask "Who else do I see??" "Who do I call!?"

Message me with Contact Info
(like where you live, City State, County, and where he is living if different county),
I'll look it up this week if you need me to!

Just ASK ME! I'm a ½ bored retired guy willing to spend the time on this and help you both!

Teggy

You’re a good man. With a good fucking heart 🙏

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Teggy thanks brudda.. I just wish I could do more with it

Bexsy

As the mom of an Autistic daughter there are programs that can maybe help your brother live independently on his own with help if he's that high functioning or in a group home setting with professionals if not so high functioning. My daughter is non verbal and lives with me. But im stable.

Maybe check out and talk to local programs?

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Bexsy yeah a lot of people are mentioning that & it's not a bad idea. Idk how much I could do but it's worth looking & tlomg to people

PiecingBabyFaceTogether · 31-35, M

He sounds like a cool dude. It's really nice how he learned to make money. I have a physical disability and it's really a struggle for me to make money but I keep trying anyway.
This is just very heartwarming. People with Autism and similar challenges are absolutely beautiful.
I had a few encounters before with people with Down Syndrome and everytime they just act so genuine and caring and they get adjusted to my kind of disability quicker than ordinary people. Once this dude was shaking my hand and he understood quickly that I struggle to lift my arm and he lowered his hand towards mine immediately. With ordinary people I have to explain this to them.

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

PiecingBabyFaceTogether · 31-35, M

@ChiefJustWalks You're welcome 😊 it's very inspiring. Even if your mom isn't very reliable he's still lucky he has you.

Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

Probably none of my business and maybe even a little out of line but this just popped into my head.

Maybe your little brother needs a big brother to help smooth things out for him and maybe give him a little more stability.

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Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

@ChiefJustWalks That was kind of where I was was pointing was maybe you could take him and take better care of him.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Dainbramadge a lot of people say that. I wish I could man. I can barely take care of myself though.. I'm not in a position to take care of anyone else. It sucks

wunderluv · 51-55, M

@ChiefJustWalks go to the courts for guardianship and obviously for custody and then apply for social assistance. There’s all kinds of programs and support out there for you to help your brother out of this terrible situation ..
PM me if you need help figuring it out

BrokenAbyss

Mama’s should be there for their babies, no excuses. I’m glad you got to catch up and I’m sure he loves to talk to you.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@BrokenAbyss he gets mad at me when I can't answer because I'm busy or asleep 😅

BrokenAbyss

@ChiefJustWalks Aw poor bud 🥺

Jenny1234 · 51-55, F

Cant you take him?

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ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Jenny1234 close. Arizona. But I'll look into it, thanks. I never really thought that I could look into that stuff myself on my moms behalf but I suppose it doesn't hurt to figure it out

Woofwoof15 · 26-30, F

@ChiefJustWalks does he get a check every month

Jenny1234 · 51-55, F

@ChiefJustWalks think of it as looking out for your brother. You’re an adult and if he isn’t getting the care he needs then you should step in. That’s my opinion since you mentioned she is very unstable. And maybe your mom doesn’t even know what is available for him. Maybe she needs help

SW-User

I don't know what to say, my oldest is almost 16, he's got autism and he's doing great and he's welcome in my home forever and then some.

I know you're sad about it, it's not your fault it's a shitty situation.. No words can fix it, it's up to your mom to grow up I guess

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@SW-User yeah, I just wish my mom would grow up.

I'm glad your son has you though 😌

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

That really sucks. It’s bad enough for a fully capable child to grow into an adult and deal with an upbringing like that but for your bother being autistic that’s so much worse.

I am sorry he can’t depend on her.

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iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

@ChiefJustWalks is he able to care for himself? Does he function at a high enough level to have a job?

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@iamonfire696 I honestly don't know.. it's hard for me to say based on judging for myself. He didn't graduate high school because he dropped out (I was very upset about that even though I did the same), & I feel like he'd have difficulties at most places without at least a small level of guidance & supervision. If he knows what he's doing, then he's set though 🙏 like I know he could do manual labor easily because he always does on a day to day. So it just depends on the job

iamonfire696 · 41-45, F

@ChiefJustWalks I hope he can get some support because I am not sure he can count on your mom.

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