It’s really annoying how no one understands he was never my father.

Dealing with relatives during the funeral has been extra annoying especially since he’s gonna be there and try and cause some shit. Everyone keeps saying “well he’s still your father” as if they have any idea. That pos was never my father, fathers care for their kids, they don’t abuse them and drive them to attempt suicide. He’s a miserable pos who took his anger and misery out on me, we just happened to live in the same house for many years. I honestly hope I am somehow adopted because then it wouldn’t mean I was created by two evil monsters.

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hartfire

Unfortunately, even a bad father is still a father, whether absent -or present and frequently destructive and damaging.

Since he was abusive, you owe him nothing. If you don't wish to be present at the funeral, make your own choice and don't worry about the opinions of others.

Funerals are no more than a chance to get some resolution over a death. If you want to go, you could write a letter detailing all his behaviours and how they affected you. Seal it in an envelope and drop it into his coffin or grave.

Or you could create a private ceremony for yourself and those who understand you.

The child longs for love. When a parent can't love, it leaves a grief, a huge wound festering. Death can make it seem impossible to heal with that person. Gone is the chance to hear him say that - much later - he came to understand his failings, regretted them and wanted to say sorry (if he ever did). Gone is the chance to hear how he was abused and wounded by his parents - which is 99% probable.

But you can still discover how to become an ideal father to yourself.

Djac17 · 22-25, M

I can somewhat understand how you feel, but everyone knows what a POS my bio dad is and don’t blame me for not wanting to speak to or see him

HellsBelle · 31-35, F

who passed?

LordShadowfire · M

Just start saying "No, he's not" and offer no further information.

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