I actually do this sometimes too. For me, posting something publicly is more about letting people know what’s going on, but that doesn’t always mean I’m ready to talk about it in a deeper way. When it comes to something really serious like this, it can feel overwhelming to discuss it in a group setting even with close friends.

I’m guessing it’s not about you or the group at all she might just feel more comfortable having those conversations one on one, at her own pace, when she’s ready. It can be overwhelming talking about something like this in a group Stuff like this is really personal and heavy, and people process it in different ways. But that's my opinion 😊

Your friend who got e gaged didn't want you to know before anyone else, like maybe members of her family etc. ..she probably didn't want you to post the news before she could and maybe make other angry at her for having to hear it from you, ..that sort of thing..

As for your friend with BC, first of all, condolences to all. It's possible she doesn't want anyone to jump to conclusions, or have to deal with all the concern coming at her all at once like some kind of press junket. Consider the amount of stress she's already under, and think about any white house press secretary at work, imagine the stress involved, now combine both levels of stress. Maybe she felt it might be like that

This is her journey. It's her choice how she wants to travel it. If you really mean to be of service to her, accept that and remain steadfast.

My wife completed her similiar journey of vital organs. It was 6 years of waiting in the dark. She kept her treatment to herself and would tell me at the last minute when she would need a ride to any of her appointments or when she needed meds.

As I understood it, she was using her appointments to get her many siblings involved in her care and to have one on one time with each sibling. I wouldn't know about it until they knocked on the door. When I'd answer, they'd say they were there to drive her to her appointment, usually in a 'matter of fact' kind of a tone, as if I'd already known.

Effective communication never was her strong suit. However, she made up for it with her manipulation skills 😉

With a scary diagnosis, I’d give her the space to share as she pleases. How she shares seems trivial.

She may be scattered at the moment. It’s a lot to take in. Maybe there are private conversations she wants to have with each of you…or she may not want it private. Blasting the info out is odd. It may be about wanting everyone to know without misinformation being spread about her.

It’s a tough thing for friends to process when you are so close. I wish I had a definitive answer.

I think many people with a scary medical situation or any situation at all, really, develop their own method of coping. Whatever it is might not make sense to us, but it doesn’t have to. It’s their jump-scare, and we just have to work around it.

Maybe they don’t want to have the disease overtake their life, and just want the announcement “once and done” instead of several different conversations. Maybe they think of the friendship as a team, and want to tell everyone at the same time.

Maybe they’re not thinking rationally at all at the time.

I don't really know, but I'd accept and honor her needs to talk privately.

I didn't tell anyone when I had cancer. Granted it was a very early catch, I just didn't want people's worry all over me because then I'd feel like I have to make them feel better.

Interesting.
I can see why she wants to publish on her public page so everyone knows, but she doesnt have to engage with them about it.
Separately she can then speak to those she wants to on a private one to one basis.
But whatever her logic and reasoning, she is probably dealing with a lot of mind-bending stuff right now and needs to be allowed to approach it her way.

I think she posted it publicly because she felt like she had to let people know officially, but it's so scary that she's uncomfortable talking with too many people about it. She wants to talk to someone that she trusts to not make her more anxious than she already is.

I would honor the request without asking why she feels that way. Perhaps, over time, the reason will come out. For example, maybe there is one particular friend in the group who has been reacting in a way that makes K uncomfortable.

Shocking news for her, she's probably not thinking rationally. I'd do what she says for now and carry on as normal. Not everyone is kind or thoughtful when someone is ill so perhaps someone else upset her.

Well, I doubt anyone understands women all the time. Me? I'm just clueless.

About the cancer: All you can do is yield to her wishes and be there if she needs anything. It is a hard diagnosis to deal with, mentally, physically and emotionally. I doubt I would be consistent and sensible while trying to cope.

You and the rest of us! I never understood the urge to post personal medical info on (non-anonymous) social media.

who knows but i agree that was strange and thoughtless of them a bit rude really 😳 i had a friend that had some sort of health problem and never told anyone i guess she was just proud and didn't want sympathy .. anyway sorry she got on your nerves with her seemingly irrational behavior that doesn't make any sense 😳 😫 annoying people ah well 😒

It sounds like her feelings about this frightening news are complicated, understandably. Perhaps she wants the group to know why she may not interact as much while she’s being treated but prefers to discuss the particulars with you in private.

We are a weird bunch... That's for sure.

As for the breast cancer and where she wants to discuss it... I'd leave that completely in her court.

Maybe your group chat has always been a fun safe space for her and she doesn't want to bring this monster into it?? Who knows.

The big point is that she DOES want to include you, just one on one. That's fine. Love and support her however you can. She is scared. ♥

Cancer fucking sucks. 😔

Given she's put it on her public Facebook profile seems odd to the say she wants to not discuss it with her friends.

I don't get it either personally

It doesn't really make sense to me but as Adogslife said, it's scary and maybe she is not being rational. Maybe she just wants to make the post to the world to let them know but doesn't want to discuss it further in a public way.

Give her some grace.

Maybe she feels more comfortable talking to you about it than she does with the others. Are you two more close thank the others?

I usually comply with someone else's request.

Do you think we understand them ?

It's confusing. 🤷

Any Man that says he understands women will lie about other things ...