Would you feel alarmed?

Few months ago My mom (a rageful, narcissist violent psychopath) said a remark about a news murder. She said " If I murdered you, I'd never get away with it". It really freaked me out because I'd never think about that, whatsoever. She was attuning to if an average Joe were to kill, they wouldn't get away with it. But still it was Jarring, given how awful she's been to me, violent etc.

Earlier today, we were watching a cooking show and the chef had a very large knife, chopping veggies. She goes, "Wow what I could do with that knife." Then paused and added, " throw it at someone's face on a target". But my sister said she added that in to lighten it. That she meant something else. It really alarmed me. How would you feel?

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cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

My father had a large box of paperback murder mysteries. I was in 6th grade and one day he told me that Edgar Allen Poe wrote the perfect murder story about a murder that couldn’t be solved. He read a book a day till he finished all of those books. My mother was dead a little over a year later, supposedly suicide but she was not suicidal. My older sister had just gotten married. She told me she was looking forward to being a grandmother and had a happy expression on her face. My father was cruel to my mother, condescending the way he spoke to her and physical violent at times, tried to make her pay for the bills while he went to the bars and drank heavily…that sort of thing. I think he married her because she was on 100% Veteran’s disability and they only gave him 25% initially and he had to work to supplement his drinking. Eventually he got 100%. A day after she died he started talking about how he would get a widower’s benefit check and it was almost as much as she was getting in disability (at least 75% I believe). My uncle turned his face and looked at me because it was a motive to kill her. The police investigator wrote her death off as suicide because he lied to them, had my older sister lie to them (she was there when it happened and told them he had never been violent) and they wouldn’t speak to any other family member. We could have talked to them all day long and told them about what we had witnessed.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@cherokeepatti I'm so sorry to hear this friend, that is heartbreaking 😢 Is your dad still here?

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@Coralmist he died in 2004 while sharing a home with several druggies who were using him for his money. The word got back to my sister that they were taking his money “For expenses” and giving him just enough to live on. They moved to Kingman Arizona just across the Colorado river fromLaughlin, NV. I imagine they were going to cheap buffets over there and gambling on his money. Anyway he died in 2004 and they called to report it and left his body in the morgue, no burial. Seems appropriate enough for what he did to my mother, us children and my aunt & uncle that he swindled their farm from, and the teenage boy that he kidnapped beat the crap out of for hours. He did so many other things to people. and I’ve heard more stories after he died.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@cherokeepatti Wow unbelievable. And growing up he was mentally or physically abusive to you too ..or mainly your mom?

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@Coralmist He was horrible to my mother mentally, put her down and acted like he was so intelligent, he was a malignant narcissist. He was violent with us too. He especially hated me for some reason. I think maybe because I’d call him out for what he was doing. Anyway after witnessing him beating my mother I got hysterical and ran out of the house screaming and hid behind my neighbors who were elderly and sitting out on their front porch. He sent my younger sister over to lure me back to the house saying he wouldn’t “spank” me if I came back home. I did and I went into the bedroom, shut the door and prayed to God for protection. I never saw him beat my mother again, I’m sure he did but not around me. And every time he lifted his hand to beat me words would come out of my mouth, very simple words that I didn’t even think of and he would stare and lower his fist and stop. He told my sister when she was grown that I had a Cherokee thing going on but I considered that a miracle to protect me because it was automatic. I was too scared to even think of the words to say.

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cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@Coralmist Yes he was all of those things. I don’t know exactly what he meant by a Cherokee thing but nobody else would call him out on things that he did, they knew he was mental and didn’t want to make him angrier. He could get really belligerent when his ego was stepped on and wanted power over people. I also had premonitions and dreams growing up and would say things not knowing that what I would say would hit the nail on the head. I have done it a lot as an adult. And later one found out what I said was appropriate for the person. I believe he may have become afraid to hurt me after I would say those words. Cherokees were serious about their spirituality. Those who did what they considered pagan things would be kicked out of their clans and have to leave. They didn’t tolerate it. I never told him I was praying, it was very private. I would go to the vacant lot next to our house and he would tell me to cook eggs for breakfast over a fire in a homemade grill he made with concrete blocks. I did and after breakfast I’d walk back over and pick some small branches from the cedar trees around the lot and put them in the coals and pray silently while they were burning. That’s a Cherokee tradition but nobody ever told me about it and I never saw anyone else doing it since we were in a white farming community. It just came naturally with me as other things I did. I think he must have gotten the hint about it because one time he told me he was going to show me how to grow green beans on a “teepee”. Long straight branches tied together in a teepee, and plant green beans (the vining type) in a circle around it. We did that and got a huge amount of green beans from just a few plants. He must have seen me go over and burn the cedar branches and smelled the smoke and knew something was going on with that.