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You can't go back

I slit my wrist
and feel the blood drip
Nobody no one
Nobody no call
Nobody no one at all

I hear a shallow scream from deep down
inside of me

Don't let go
no it's not your time to go

Siren's 馃毃 blazin' surrounding me
lights dance on my wall like scenes in the movies

Paramedics lift me
I just want to dream - fade away
in a mystic dream

Like closing my eyes and feeling
lifes current drift over me

nobody no call
nobody no-one at all
nobody no call
nobody at all

Wake up to cold sheets
wake up to a new dream
wake up people around me
wake up try to sleep

listenin' to the beat
of drugs pumping in me
my skin a blaze - i want to get out
run away

Get back to the old dream
to the old me - to when I was seventeen
to when the world didn't seem so chaotic
and I woke up each day loving myself

Even if it was just me
Nobody no one
Nobody no call
just me alone - reading a book under the sun

Throw on some cold cello
look outside and feel the inner me mellow
See the green trees shimmer
the pitch of the sheds roof and the memories
of the thrill of backflips

as the light starts to get low

The heat of the fading sun
turning everything to a golden glow
and for a second things seem to shift
for a second i begin to forgive

And enjoy again the sounds of the neighborhood
Kids playing and dogs barking
and laughter and warmth mixing with the cello
And everything, everything is beautiful again
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foldedunfolding41-45, F
aww im so sorry you're feeling this way. i try to remember a few things when i am this down: a) if i give up now, 40 years of suffering will be for naught, b) my abusers win, c) i won't be around anymore to feel peace or release after
LostpoetM
@foldedunfolding I just want to go back to when I didn't think about or worry about anything and I could just escape into a book for a day or two. I've tried i can't read anything without my mind going through stuff.

I tried to lighten up the ending because someone was saying i have evil spirits because im constantly thinking about suicide. Im christian and I believe in God but I honestly didn't want to be this old and I definitely didn't want to be this old and single.
foldedunfolding41-45, F
@Lostpoet you dont HAVE demons if you are a Christian..but we ARE in the midst of endless spiritual warfare we cannot see. you need to arm yourself to the teeth with the full armor of God spoken about in Ephesians..but know this..these are just BATTLES, and God has already won the WAR..so take heart babe, He's got you, and loves you more than you will ever know. 鈾♀櫋