Build yourself up.Dont wait. Take courses of anything that interests you. You owe it to yourself to develop yourself.

Focus on the Family Counseling Services. Focus on the Family has a staff of licensed, professional Christian counselors available to talk with you. If you're facing a crisis and need guidance and encouragement, Focus on the Family has a staff of licensed, professional Christian counselors available to talk with you.
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Focus on the Family offers a one-time complimentary consultation from a Christian perspective. To reach Focus on the Family's counseling service by phone, call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. (Mountain Time).

You just wrote my life story hun

Finding a Christian counselor that you can trust is where I would recommend that you start. There are some that are online too.

That feels true but you can change