I finally poured my heart out to her and I don't know if I feel better or worse.

I did it I finally after 10,000 years poured my heart out to the woman I've loved for a long long time. I told her everything. She was probably thinking this guy tripping over his words total word salad. I felt better but I feel I really embarrassed myself.

She did respond with words at least. She told me she always had a feeling I felt that way and she wished I had said something long ago. Unfortunately I'm too late. I wish I would have said something too. I kick myself for it. I didn't want to ruin our friendship and I was a huge disaster back then. If you think I'm a mess nowadays this pales in comparison. I felt I wasn't good enough, wasn't worth anything. I'm still not worth anything and probably am not good enough for anyone which is why I just say no to love.