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Talking about negative topic with cancer patients?

I'm not sure whether to bring up the horrible pain my dad let me go through. He' has weeks left to live, we learned last week. It's a very rapid advance cancer😔
I've been very positive with him since he began feeling ill two months ago.

I help him, get him what he needs, try to laugh, give him extra snacks he likes. But that pain from years ago was never resolved. I experienced extreme debilitating abuse daily as a child , into my 20's from my psychopath mother. I have
crippling PTSD now from it. He would laugh when I cried many years ago, after she'd bully me or scream or threaten me. To laugh at my pain?🙁That's horrible plus for years would deny her assaults.
My sister wanted to tell him how she felt too, and she said This affected her entire LIFE. But on the other hand I know he's suffering. And if the empathy I've grown to have tells me anything, it's never add to someone's suffering...it's very hard even thinking of doing that. I guess I could mention it in passing but not stay on the topic. I do want him to feel calm and positive as much as possible.

But we may need to ask if he'd like to be buried or cremated..another sad topic. Is that ok to bring up?
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GovanDUNNY · M
Dont briing up the past with him, help and comfort him to the inevitable. Do the right thing .
Ask him about his wishes regarding his funeral.
@GovanDUNNY How is not resolving things the "right" thing ? If I hurt someone I loved, and I was dying, I’d want a chance to apologize and go in peace knowing that (hopefully) they had no more hard feelings.
GovanDUNNY · M
@bijouxbroussard I cant see the point in confronting someone who has a terminal illness .
Especially as its her dad
@GovanDUNNY I’m thinking that she has unresolved pain from him and there’s a possibility that it can be addressed and put to rest.

Once he’s gone, so is that opportunity.

There are two possible outcomes of her addressing it: He might acknowledge her pain and apologize, which allows her a certain peace as she goes on with her life.

The second possibility, if he’s in denial, is that he can’t accept it and resents it being brought up, which is definitely a risk.

But I’m assuming that it’s on the OP’s mind and still colors how she feels about him, which is why she brought it up.

She can say nothing, and always wonder how things might’ve gone if she had. 🥺
GovanDUNNY · M
@bijouxbroussard And if it upsets him badly 😢, she will never get over it , it was the psycho mother more than her dad who was complicit in her evilness
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@GovanDUNNY Yes it was. My mom more, but he did comply fully and never took us away from her . But like I said it's not like I'm going to go on for an hour, if he's too upset I drop it. He's still my dad and I love him but I may say it in a gentle way, how I felt. I may not. I'm just thinking out loud here
Coralmist · 41-45, F
@bijouxbroussard Those are valid points Bijoux, ty for your ideas. I'm still torn..