How do you wrap your mind around...

To your parent slowly dying of an aggressive disease?

My dads been diagnosed two weeks ago with aggressive Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. He "may" still be able to get low dose chemotherapy, we are getting a second opinion, but his current doctor has said he's too compromised to receive it. That it could kill him before he even just passed naturally.
It's all so sudden, to realize that within a short time my dad could die. We were not too close, as he defended my psychotic awful mothers abuse for MANY years.
But, at least we could occasionally laugh, and we used to binge Vikings, The Sopranos and a few other shows.
I'm just so sad, because I wish I could understand why people get horrible deadly diseases. It's just not right in my mind and sadness doesn't quite encompass it
I feel mad and also helpless. But very sad that his body is being ravaged daily, with no actual treatment.
I wish this was a dream. I'm trying though to watch TV with him still, or laugh when possible.
I do love my dad and I don't want him to go😟

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sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

My grandfather died of lung cancer while I was in undergrad, fall semester, junior year, almost ten years ago.

I drove home from Providence to the Cape every weekend that semester, until Thanksgiving.

We sat on his couch leaning into each other watching his beloved Patriots win games. We talked for hours. We took naps leaning on each other's shoulders.

Sometimes I'd have my books in my lap and he would study along with me. We would discuss international relations and European history (my majors).

He told me to stop coming home every weekend and to enjoy my life. I told him to shut up and not say that again.

And then he passed. My grandmother too. There's a story about their passing pinned to my profile. I still hear their voices echoing in my head. 😔