Only one medical procedure is left and then I don't have to go through this again.

Update about my nerve problems. Due to TBI in childhood, my skull didn't heal/wasn't treated adequately and that increased my risk for abnormal growths and bone deviations.

Physically I look fine but I went through sever episodes of pain that made me want to shoot myself in the head last year every other month. Seriously shoot my head. Just end my misery.

It also affected my work in healthcare and made me more prone to anger outbursts.

It comes and goes. I saw more than six specialists to finally identify the cause and the correct nerves getting compressed.

I had three surgical procedures so far and the pain has decreased significantly. It is now manageable. Just like a migraine.

But I think I might be imagining some of the pain. I know it sounds insane. I think my brain for some reason is creating a pain delusion. I am not sure how or why. It is like phantom pain.

There is real pain. But there is also a type of pain I think is paranoia and I am imagining it. I don't know how to describe it.

Anyways my case has improved so much so far in just a month.

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Longpatrol · 31-35, M

I'm glad there has been improvement!

Is this phantom pain because you're so used to having it, you expect it regardless of your current condition?

Miram · 31-35, F

@Longpatrol I think so. I am not really qualified to form final conclusion but I am 90 percent sure it is not real.

SinlessOnslaught · M

It's disturbing for me to hear that you would do such a thing. Thank you for sticking around in this life and I'm glad your symptoms are improving.

Miram · 31-35, F

@SinlessOnslaught I will be alright. It is no longer as bad as it used to be. I am sure everyone get those thoughts, you do too. We just don't talk about this stuff. In fact most people never do. But one has to keep thriving whatever way possible.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@Miram Yes Mimi.

I hope it continues to get better.

PiecingBabyFaceTogether · 31-35, M

Best of luck till full recovery ❤

Miram · 31-35, F

@PiecingBabyFaceTogether Good luck to us both 🍀 you inspire me but also I know how it is not fair and it is senseless to have to shrink our lives due to physical limitations no matter what they are.

Sutten · 36-40, F

🫂🌻

Miram · 31-35, F

@Sutten 🫂

caccoon · 36-40

You're not imagining the pain. There is a lot of it

Miram · 31-35, F

@caccoon no, I am imagining it I think.

I know this because I treat myself lol. I used a strong pain medication to distinguish between the real and the delusion.

The delusion persisted after. It is impossible if it was real.

Boeing · 36-40

@Miram that is interesting . Ever thought, retiring and focusing on research ? Or perhaps not retiring, but taking some time to focus on research, then returning.

Phantom pain, it sounds possible. I mean, there are mirroring pains. It is fascinating, how stimuli work and the body. It does fascinate me. I invest a lot in bodywork, the somatic type of approach, of feeling from within.
As years pass by and I continue my practices, I am able to feel more and more and am able to detect and therefore to prevent things and symptoms from coming up.

Like for example, I can feel early that my body is expelling heat, and I am then aiding it to cool down before I get fever. This is one easily understood example, but there are lots more subtle observations.

Miram · 31-35, F

@Boeing we have to be engaged in academic research long before we get our diplomats so I did do research.

I tried to save in my twenties to be able to afford my own genetic testing laboratory but the money had to be invested elsewhere. Medical research needs LOT of money and sponsorship.

I can't retire yet because there aren't enough people to fill the void. It is not easy walking out knowing the effects. So even if my priorities change, which I doubt with all these wars going on, I will still be juggling many roles at the same time.

It sounds like you achieved a balance and a state where you can explore your own inner workings. That's something you should be proud of. 🤍 The possibilities are endless when it comes to human awareness and how we process the best and the worst of both words. We are little filters of the universe much of which we know little about, both the universe and our potential.

SnickersDOM · M

I hope it will continue to improve and your pain of any type will be banished forever, along with any lingering anxiety or paranoia that any of it may return. I'm so glad you were able to find and effect this solution 🤗🤍

Miram · 31-35, F

@SnickersDOM

This has been particularly difficult for me because it felt deeply unjust that I have to deal with consequences of things someone else committed..

And in my thirties. It is already challenging to outgrow my past without the fact that the physical manifestations of it still linger. That's why it pisses me off so much, not just the pains.

Thank you for being supportive throughout this entire month. You're amazing

SnickersDOM · M

@Miram maybe without the pain as a reminder it may also help gradually dampen residual anger too, and make you mind feel more freed 🤗

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