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My dad's suffering is so great

He's in the second week of hospice.. diagnosed with aggressive cancer just a month ago. A week ago he could at least talk a few minutes here or there, eat Jello and pudding too. Now, they advised no food at all as he can barely swallow. And instead of several sips of water a day he had just three all day. On top of that, he's had pneumonia and so his breathing all day is wheezy. It's just awful to see him struggling. They said morphine helps relax airways but won't help the actual phlegm and secretions.
They told me, (hospice,) to keep his head elevated to help the wheezing . But the CNA s don't know that and he can no longer speak. He's nearly unconscious most of the time. I forgot to tell the CNA to keep it elevated after she changed his diaper. They would probably just lower his head down . It's 10:30 pm though, would you call the nurses there to just make sure he's elevated, or let it go?my heart is so sad for all this suffering. ☹
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FreeSpirit1 · 51-55, F
In my moms last days we had her in the hospital bad elevated like she was watching tv, she was at home and that's what the hospice nurse said to do , she gave her morphine swabs in her mouth and she went quietly in the night, I'm sorry for you honey
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@FreeSpirit1 Thank you my friend 🌸 Did your mom have cancer too?
FreeSpirit1 · 51-55, F
@Baybreeze yes, lung cancer my dad had brain cancer, both died in the same year, its rough, stay strong
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@FreeSpirit1 I'm sorry to hear🌹 Thank you I needed that.
JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M
So sorry.

Are they giving him nutrients and fluids through an IV?

I never understood hospice. It seems like they just let people dehydrate and starve to death. No attempts at a cure. Is the whole point just to drug a person until they die?

My dad always said, jokingly, that when his time comes just euthanize him. He has witnessed a few people in hospice. I never did since these people lived far away. But I heard my dad's stories. I am so glad I never saw my grandpa in hospice from his cancer. My dad said he looked like a concentration camp victim. I last saw him 6 months earlier, at an outdoor picnic. He had cancer by then, but looked OK.
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@JoyfulSilence no they don't give IV fluids in hospice but I think they should. Hospitals do but not when entering hospice. This is just awful. I looked up online why IV isn't given, it said the body shutting down can't process food or water normally, and that water could go in the lung? I didn't understand that part, I just briefed the article.

But it seems inhumane to me. They keep saying COMFORT and they give morphine but bring even a bit hydrated slightly could help I think. We've been giving sips of water during the day, but now he can't swallow as well. And his wheezing is bad, it's just sad to watch him suffer. 😟 I find it hard accepting this horrible cancer , that out of five types Lymphoma he got the most aggressive one. At first they did say chemo could help, but then they said he's too compromised and it would kill him. I got a second opinion but it was within same hospital, I dobt know if they just all stay on same page?
But the second doctor said he's done this thirty years and most compromised people do die of the chemo.
I just hope my anxiety isn't off the chart when he passes. I get heart palpitations if very nervous. I never thought about losing my dad, it's all so sudden☹
Elisbch · M
If he were my father, and I wanted his head elevated, I would do anything possible to get that achieved.
It never hurts to call but always be polite. Also when you're there ask the nurses station to leave a note for CNAs to do this when you're not there. Maybe they can put an order for it on his chart.
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@Elisbch I didn't call because it was so late and maybe they didn't lower his head anyway. I figured I'm going in on the morning as well. I think I'll tell them to leave a note . Plus a nurse would have had to elevate him for meds in the night so hopefully they'd hear the wheezing and not put him fully back, with the bed remote. Ty Eli
TravisTx · M
So sorry about your dad. I know it’s heartbreaking. Just keep him as comfortable as possible and hopefully any family that can, are able to come see him.
Thatsright · 61-69, M
Soon he will suffer no more. Maybe he might rally for a few minutes while you’re bedside and say goodbye.
Musicman · 61-69, M
I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds like his time is near. 💔😢😢😢
Prison1203 · 61-69, M
Depends on how much longer you want to be with him
Punxi · F

 
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