Anxious
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I'm so anxious waiting to hear a call of my dad passing

He's in hospice, and has been in one week as of today. But he's dehydrated for sure, barely taking a few sips of water a day. Although he's been having two Jellos a day which is nice. It's very small for a normal person but I read peoples digestion in hospice shuts down. So they barely eat day to day, if not nothing.
But even though he had Jello today and talked for a few minutes before being so weak again and napping, I know he could pass any day. I'm trying to prepare my mind to not be panicked if the nursing home calls. But it's so hard. I have anxiety disorder and PTSD so I'm fearing how I'm going to feel or be. I'm not on meds, I can usually eventually calm myself in tense events, after a while. But no one this close to me has passed before. I'm just so on edge and helpless he could not have had treatment. 🙁 (Cancer too rapid)
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fun4us2b · M
It's not in our control. I really thought my dad was going to 100.

He was 98.5 and every visit to the nursing home as I left I thought, will he be here next week...But that weekend - he's in his wheelchair and I waved back and said I loved him...he smiled...seemed ok...actually better than usual.

Then that Tuesday - I received the call - I was told that he took his morning nap and didn't wake up....

Completely unexpected - how silly of me...

But you know, this is normal. This is how it goes, and it's natural...sad, but natural.
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@fun4us2b I'm sorry your dad passed... He was blessed to live a long life. I'm sure he felt so calm when you said I love you

It doesn't feel natural, cancer anyway. It's so aggressive he wasn't able to have chemo. They said with aggressive cancer , chemo can kill the patient sooner than the disease. But I know he's had a pretty long life at 72, and he knows my love for him. I have made him feel comfortable any chance I get. You're right, life's direction is not truly in our control. This was a curveball if I ever saw one.
fun4us2b · M
@Baybreeze 72 is too young....
Baybreeze · 41-45, F
@fun4us2b Yes that's why I'm feel so sad, however he lived longer than my aunt who passed at 57🙁 So I have to have some comfort in that.