I'm so anxious waiting to hear a call of my dad passing

He's in hospice, and has been in one week as of today. But he's dehydrated for sure, barely taking a few sips of water a day. Although he's been having two Jellos a day which is nice. It's very small for a normal person but I read peoples digestion in hospice shuts down. So they barely eat day to day, if not nothing.
But even though he had Jello today and talked for a few minutes before being so weak again and napping, I know he could pass any day. I'm trying to prepare my mind to not be panicked if the nursing home calls. But it's so hard. I have anxiety disorder and PTSD so I'm fearing how I'm going to feel or be. I'm not on meds, I can usually eventually calm myself in tense events, after a while. But no one this close to me has passed before. I'm just so on edge and helpless he could not have had treatment. 🙁 (Cancer too rapid)

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

IM5688 · 70-79, M

Waiting is always the most difficult part.
You know it's coming, but you're still never ready for it. You don't want him to go, but you don't want him to suffer either.
You're on edge and you're nervous. That's only natural and normal.
After he passes, then a new set of things will push your anxiety. Decisions about wakes, flowers, and the rest of the funeral arrangements can push your nerves to the edge too. You find yourself having to make decisions that you are unsure of, but you have to trust yourself and the choices/decisions you make.
Someone once told me, "Funerals are not for the deceased, they are for the mourners."

Baybreeze · 41-45, F

@IM5688 Right I'm still uncertain if we are having funeral or cremation. This is all so sudden and sad. He was diagnosed barely a month ago. He had the most aggressive out of all five types Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. 🥺 He's probably severely dehydrated after only a few sips water per day , for a week now. I just so hope I can have tomorrow with him. I had to leave early today because the damn roads were getting slick from a snowstorm. I told him I'll see him tomorrow.
I guess I have to have a script prepared in my mind that will replace fear. That he's on to a different chapter in his life. One of spirit and not physical. And I did hold his hand today just in case, and said you've gone through so much, and said I love you. I just truly hope for one more full day with him. Thank you for your kindness IM🍀