Anxious
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Pretty sure I have an eating disorder in progress

Or maybe not. Or maybe. Been like questioning it sometimes. Because at the moment it's only sometimes I do this.
I've been exercising a lot which isn't the main issue. I exercise an hour a day, with a break every two days because of my knees needing a break.

Weirdly enough I'm worried I'll gain weight a lot even with all the exercise and change in diet. Like it's strange so I guess that was one red flag.

Other red flag started because occasionlly if I eat too much I'll throw it all up. Saves me on calories sometimes if I end up going overboard. If I eat too much to where I feel sick it makes more sense just to vomit it all up instead of be uncomfortable or possibly vomit later anyway.

But it's sort of become a habit, so that's something that I'm working on stopping, plus the overeating. Because it seemed harmless really at first, but then it kind of has become at frequent maybe to once a week. So I'm slowly working my way down and out of the habit again. Plus my bf told me he doesn't like it when I do it.

I have also developed the ability to vomit quitely or secretly even if I'm at someone's house. And I always clean up after myself at least, so there's that. But I realize it's a bad habit to have so馃ゲ
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AlchemyFox36-40, F
I started out binging and purging then came the starvation and overexercising. The long term effects are very unpleasant. Especially bulimia. I developed a hiatal hernia. And it also doesn't really save calories. You still are them.
Juvia18-21, F
@AlchemyFox If I throw it up right after technically it does save calories. But yeah, not good. I used to do a lot of overexercising along with calorie restriction when I was a teen, and went to therapy for that. Are they doing something for your hernia at all? Thankfully I don't have a hernia. Least yet.

But I'm not really trying to go down the bulimia road if I can help it. So I'm hoping maybe since it's early once I stop or at least taper down on the episodes, then maybe the compulsion to vomit will also go down. Hopefully.
AlchemyFox36-40, F
@Juvia I hope so too sweet lady. Because it's not actually worth it. There's nothing they can do about the hernia because it's not bad enough, but I am almost always nauseated. I have no indicator of if I'm hungry or full. I'm just out of whack. It's been years since I started trying to balance and I still haven't quite gotten there.

I feel bad for my sisters in this because we get a lot of pressure to be thin. But from what I've read, you are loved just as you are. I hope you see yourself for the beauty you are 馃枻