Anxious
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Pretty sure I have an eating disorder in progress

Or maybe not. Or maybe. Been like questioning it sometimes. Because at the moment it's only sometimes I do this.
I've been exercising a lot which isn't the main issue. I exercise an hour a day, with a break every two days because of my knees needing a break.

Weirdly enough I'm worried I'll gain weight a lot even with all the exercise and change in diet. Like it's strange so I guess that was one red flag.

Other red flag started because occasionlly if I eat too much I'll throw it all up. Saves me on calories sometimes if I end up going overboard. If I eat too much to where I feel sick it makes more sense just to vomit it all up instead of be uncomfortable or possibly vomit later anyway.

But it's sort of become a habit, so that's something that I'm working on stopping, plus the overeating. Because it seemed harmless really at first, but then it kind of has become at frequent maybe to once a week. So I'm slowly working my way down and out of the habit again. Plus my bf told me he doesn't like it when I do it.

I have also developed the ability to vomit quitely or secretly even if I'm at someone's house. And I always clean up after myself at least, so there's that. But I realize it's a bad habit to have so馃ゲ
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Persephone51-55, F
You've got some unhealthy behaviours going there. It is a good thing that you recognise that.
Would you say you know and understand the mental state and thought processes driving those behaviours?
Or are you aware you might be Neurodivergent? (If you are Autistic/ have ADHD or OCD you may be more at risk)

It's ridiculously difficult to get help unless you're obviously deathly skinny, so peer support/ recovery is really important.

My FoR: ADHD + Autistic with a mostly dormant but frustratingly persistent ED
Juvia18-21, F
@Persephone Yeah, I kind of have an idea already about whats going on with me. I'm just hoping if I stop now that I can go back to normal and I won't get anymore weird thoughts about wanting to vomit lmfao.
I guess it became something I thought about as dangerous when it started becoming somethng I started thinking about right after I eat.
Persephone51-55, F
@Juvia You're right. What makes an Eating Disorder an Eating Disorder is essentially the mental illness, the thoughts and anxieties that drive the behaviours. If you are able to stop now, do. And if you're able to get some therapy to help you stay away from unhelpful thinking and behaviours, I recommend it.good luck x