I Have An Eating Disorder
I want to open up about this so so much but i know that if i do i'll just end up getting lectured, looked down on and possibly sent to therapy. I'm so sure my partner knows or has a hint about this, but i can't bear to tell them face to face. Never did i once think i'd develop an ED and yet here i am, hating how my body looks, how my thighs look & touch when i sit, over thinking about gaining weight or even getting close to 80lbs, crying in a restaurant after seeing a big plate of calorie filled food and just having to eat it anyways or else family members will start to worry, binge eating lunch or dinner just cause i only ate something small for breakfast and now i can't get out of my head just how many calories everything i scarfed down has and if i should puke it out or not. I can't handle this anymore i can't handle that i'll never love my body or have the ideal body i want to have, i've always known that im very skinny for my age especially now since im dangerously underweight for my age, but after focusing on that fact i started to see my "faults" whenever i'd look in the mirror. I want to speak up about this but i dont want anything to change, i don't want people to force me to eat, to tell me i'd look better if i gained 10lbs, I want to stay with my habits even if they're not healthy.
