I Have An Eating Disorder

I want to open up about this so so much but i know that if i do i'll just end up getting lectured, looked down on and possibly sent to therapy. I'm so sure my partner knows or has a hint about this, but i can't bear to tell them face to face. Never did i once think i'd develop an ED and yet here i am, hating how my body looks, how my thighs look & touch when i sit, over thinking about gaining weight or even getting close to 80lbs, crying in a restaurant after seeing a big plate of calorie filled food and just having to eat it anyways or else family members will start to worry, binge eating lunch or dinner just cause i only ate something small for breakfast and now i can't get out of my head just how many calories everything i scarfed down has and if i should puke it out or not. I can't handle this anymore i can't handle that i'll never love my body or have the ideal body i want to have, i've always known that im very skinny for my age especially now since im dangerously underweight for my age, but after focusing on that fact i started to see my "faults" whenever i'd look in the mirror. I want to speak up about this but i dont want anything to change, i don't want people to force me to eat, to tell me i'd look better if i gained 10lbs, I want to stay with my habits even if they're not healthy.

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Picklebobble · 56-60, M

It's a total control thing.
YOU control what you do.
BUT you WANT to control what happens IF you admit it to other people !
The HONEST truth about what you're doing lies within YOU !
There's a ROOT CAUSE to be dealt with !
Because it clearly doesn't make you HAPPY ! No matter how OFTEN you say it does !
And the ONLY way you do that is through therapy.
Which you KNOW already.!
So basically you want to continue what you're doing, despite knowing it's not right and you want to dictate that there's no other way than the one you're proposing.
So here's a game that goes round and round and round and round.
You know what you need to do.

UreBesFrend · M

I love food way too much to ever do this. My body tells me what it is missing and I happily get it.

When I go shopping I love going down the aisles looking for things I have never tried. There are always new things, new flavors, new sensations.

I think a long happy healthy life is important, don't you agree?

I am not criticizing you at all carazami, I wish you all the best.

SoFine · 46-50, F

The grove you have you in, is a hard one to get out from. YES, the horse has left the barn, now what.
You can die a slow death or live.....
You can get help or die...
The hippie in me says, get weed get stoned, have the munchies and don't worry....
Please get help ...

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