I can't talk to anyone

When it comes to my eating disorder I can't really talk to anyone because they just don't understand.

I was anorexic/bulimic between the ages of 16 and 30, but even now at age 40, the old anxieties that surround food and my weight are there. This morning I had a full on anxiety attack after I weighed myself.

I'm at my heaviest weight ever right now, so I struggle with that. I have had to stop wearing most of my clothing because it just feels too snug now. I'm down to 2 outfits that still fit me comfortably. It's fucking depressing.

I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I hate where my life is right now. I hate how helpless I feel because I am unable to get me and my fiance out of our current situation. Everyone I know has let me down or betrayed me. I just want to cut all ties with everyone and fucking disappear.

I tried to talk about my anxiety with my fiance but he just doesn't get it, and he offers absolutely nothing in response. Not a word. He thinks he's being supportive by just letting me talk while he stays silent, but I need feedback, reassurance, a nurturing spirit. 😓

Fallflower · 46-50, F

Hello. I know nothing about you and your fiancé but I do know about marrying the wrong person as I did it 3 times.

Please take time to consider that he doesn’t respond as you need him to. Don’t overlook this or assume it will get better on its own, or pretend you can accept it. Tell him what you need from him. Sometimes they just don’t know. This is an important glimpse into the future.