I Have An Eating Disorder

Today I completed a 16 hour fast. I’m trying to cope with these negative thoughts the healthiest way I can, so I started intermittent fasting in replacement of total restriction. It has been HARD. I am TRYING. It worse because I am fighting ALONE. Hidden from everyone, I’ve masked this as a simple diet. Counting calories, and macros. Weighing each bit of food I put into my mouth and logging it into my tracker. I’m trying to keep this healthy, I’m trying to use the coping skills I’ve learned, but it’s too easy to fall back into the same rhythm.

My husband and I went out to eat tonight. Of course, I chose the healthiest option on the menu. Even then, I feel full and scared. I feel disgusted and want to purge so badly but I’m afraid nothing will come up, that I’ve lost my touch. This is getting too much to handle.