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This one is for the men.

It seems a lot of you are having trouble in the dating world. Can I ask something? Are you looking for something serious and longterm? And if so, what do you look for in a longterm partner? Also does looks or personality matter the most? And why do you think you’re having a hard time finding a long term partner? Also have you ever had a long term relationship before? Thank you for answering for those who do lol. I’m just curious on the dating life of single men lol. I’m writing a paper, so these answers will give me a bit of insight on the male perspective of dating.
Kodel · 26-30, M
I've personally been looking for a more long term styled relationship since I was about 9. There's a whole story behind that but this might already be long enough of a response.
Honestly, my answer has changed a lot over the years. These days, it would be someone who cares enough about me to see me as a potential partner and who also at least appreciates my interests, passions and hobbies, if not sharing them. Looks do matter, however there are exceptions. Like I'd be down to be dating someone who was on the larger side, IF they were doing things about it. I was larger than I currently am but I'm also still working on it. I don't like how body positivity has tried to brainwash women into believing that they're TRADITIONALLY attractive when they're obese, when it's clear that's not the case as I never had any women coming up to me when I was obese and telling me how drop dead sexy I was.
I'm definitely not perfect, but I'm also not horrible. I work hard and I conscientiously try to conduct myself in a respectful but also entertaining and intricate way that would be appealing to women. I honestly do believe that my personal type just doesn't fit with the women that I persue, at least so far. Universally the response has seemed to tilt in the direction of, "they aren't attracted to me." Problem is I've never gotten a straight answer in regards to this criticism. It feels like at the very least some women don't really know what they want, yet simultaneously whatever it was, I didn't provide it. It's frustrating and gut wrenching, particularly if they end up dating a guy who showed less commitment than I did. I've come to learn that that's actually a thing women do so I'm not beating myself up about it.
I've never actually been on a date in the nearly 27 years of my life and on the wrong day, that thought absolutely destroys me. 9 year old me would have definitely cried if he knew every detail of the next 18 years as a ghost in the dating world.
I'm honestly a hair's breadth away from closing my door and saying, "The dream I had of finding that one person that you can do everything with, share everything with, build everything with, enjoy everything with, transform everything with and love is such a wholesome, inexplicable way that it literally intensifies everything in your life; that dream doesn't exist anymore. It got mutilated, marred and entombed on the battlefield of modern society. There is still a tiny amount of hope in me that is clinging on to life support. I don't know how much longer that will last before I close my door and say, "Too late. I wanted to grow in my youth with someone, not have someone come along after I've already built everything all by myself."
If I were to give one piece of advice for women, it would be to show more care to the men that interest you. Men proactively show care to women every day. For me at least, it almost never feels like it equally comes back.
DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F
@Kodel seems we all go after the exact types we instinctively know would never have us.
Kodel · 26-30, M
@DearAmbellina2113 I don't know if it's a subconscious thing or something as I'm never deliberately going for people I know wouldn't go for me. I always hope they do, but it never does. Not to mention that I don't have a queue of women competing for my attention, at least at the moment.
I'm not a very social person and I enjoy my alone time so I'm not constantly meeting new people. That would definitely play a part as my sample size would be pretty modest at best.
JestAJester · 31-35, M
i dunno what my problem is. Hard to find anyone actually interested that isn't slutty or boring, hard finding anyone interested period. I suppose my confidence could be lacking but on the other hand asking someone out always results in awkwardness around that person afterward if they say no. The best women are usually taken or claim they are, just their way of telling you no without having to deal with confrontation. I'm sure my approach is probably a huge factor. I'm an awkward dork
Muthafukajones · 46-50, M
The problem women face is that the bar of what a man will fuck vs what he will want to keep is vast. As a woman you have to figure out how to be the one to keep if you want long term. It’s not easy. Many men are dishonest about what they want. Being pretty and thin helps. Being well groomed and put together is important. Being interested in him helps. Some ideas.
FragileHeart · 22-25, M
I'm looking for a longterm, honest and deep connection but I feel that's something hard to find in a world that keeps alienating us from each other in many different ways. As a gay man I am in a way forced to online date which I don't like.
Looks matter but everyone has a different type. I am not attracted to the stereotypical image of male beauty (muscles, ....)
My last relationship lastet two years. I feel lonely now but I know a short and purely sexual encounter would not satisfy my emotional needs.
Ferric67 · M
Yes you can ask me.
Somewhat looking but not stuck on it.
Someone compatible with my life ambitions and someone who understands and accepts me.
Look catch my attention, personality keeps my attention...they both matter.
I've never really had problems finding partners, my problem is finding people accepting of my quirky idiosyncrasies.
eventtemple123 · 18-21, M
I am 20 and have never had a relationship, or even held hands for that matter. I want a long term relationship. I want to be with someone who I genuinely enjoy spending time with. We understand each other, we have fun together, we support one another. We should essentially be best friends. I do want sex, but I want it to be more of a bonus than the foundation.
Scarfface · 46-50, M
I've stopped dating for a while but eventually I want to find someone for long term. I think it gets more difficult the older I get because of past experience and general experience with people. I'm convinced I'm going to die alone, it's suiting me at the moment.
Saucylover · 26-30, F
Thank you everyone for responding to my comments. Your input is more valuable than you know. I hope that each of you has success with your dating desires. And don't lose hope! If any of you have an update on your dating situation, please feel free to come back to this post in the future and give us an update. It would be much appreciated. Have a nice day everyone!
SW-User
Writing ✍️ a paper sure 😌
Saucylover · 26-30, F
@SW-User Haha, yes, I am a recent university graduate, and I freelance for a love blog in my local city lol. Primary sources are always the most beneficial.
SW-User
@Saucylover okie dokie, carryon 😉
Funlov · M
Not at all having problems dating but thanks 😊
Dating is for fags. I'm just looking to drag my nuts across many faces of many ladies and gentlemen.
CestManan · 46-50, F
@Saucylover Probably would not be something you would want to explain to your instructor, assuming this is a college paper. 😄
SW-User
@BohemianBoo This is hilarious!!
@SW-User And sexy!
Arorin · M
I never had any problems with this. My only real qualification was they had to truely love me.
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