Love & Attraction

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Merry men of SW, when you are on a first date..

Or meet up etc. With a woman, what is your general frame of mind? What is going through your head? Are you very nervous or not really? How do you remain calm during it? I would like to gain confidence with the romance world, and I wonder if knowing hiw guys are FEELING might aid that. 🌺❣️😌🤔

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Threepio

I'm long out of the dating game.... but when I was actively dating, I was living in a very "target rich environment" (where women outnumbered men >3:1), so I was a little spoiled in regards to who I asked out.....(yes, everyone has a "type")

I don't recall ever being nervous, ...it's a first date, sort of like a "compatibility check" if you will.

My criteria for future interaction was fairly simple.... Before asking any woman for a second date I always asked myself this:

Would I be willing to have children with this woman....

You would be surprised how often the answer was NO. Often the level of maturity and confidence I was seeking were just not there....

TexChik · F

My hubby said he was scared sh*tless because I didn’t fawn all over him when we first met . We danced the evening away but I was still very cautious and reserved.

He didn’t know how to read me because I had no idea what I was doing , I just knew I wanted him to keep asking me out . 🤷🏻‍♀️

Muthafukajones · 46-50, M

I use a trick I read once. Whenever you meet a new person imagine that they already know and like you. Telling yourself they already like you will positively affect how you react to anything they say or do and will make you a lot less nervous!

Teggy

No two men are the same though 👀 if the guy really likes you he might be nervous or he might be really confident, if the guy just wants sex he could also be very nervous or very confident.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Teggy Right, I want to get a look at varied thoughts. Thanks for your view, good points✌️

Carissimi · F

I can’t speak for men, although I don’t recall any of my dates acting nervous, and I never felt nervous at all going on a date. That was then, but now I’d be having a panic attack, so I don’t date. I think we become nervous the older we get. When I was your age, going on a date just felt normal to me, even with very good looking men.

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Carissimi · F

I understand this, and I know many will give you advice on how to overcome these feelings, such as “love yourself more,” whatever that means. People tend to give generalized statements without actually giving the steps on how to do it. I could offer some generalized statements too, but I won’t because after several decades of going through this and that self improvement courses, therapists, etc; I’m left in my 60s with less improvement and less self confidence than ever. The one thing I’m left with is to just be myself. Accept this is me, it’s who I am, and let the chips fall wherever. At least there is no more striving to be a different me because I can’t be a different me. I have several principles that I practice, and one is to think how I can make today better than yesterday, and another is to look for the potential, possibilities, and positive experiences in today. This takes the stress off improving YOU, while still looking to improve your life. I like it. It takes the onus off the Self, but you can still work on improving life itself. I’m sorry if I make no sense, or this doesn’t help you. I’m just trying to get through it too. {hugs} 🥀@Coralmist

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Carissimi Thank you, it does make sense. Yes, sometimes I feel hopeless windering WHEN Ill be enough, when Ill not have anxiety, etc. But for now, I guess *I* need to make myself enough...even guys here have TOLD ME, Id enjoy not traveling, not going to lots of outings etc. But my mind thinks, well, many wont like how I am. BUT, i should scream to my subconscious, many wont mind how I am! I appreciate your feedback. And like the idea, which Ive heard in books, there really IS no self. Ty friend💜

Carissimi · F

I have to credit Jordan Peterson with my principles for life. I got them from him. 🤗 Good luck! @Coralmist

NatureGuy77 · 56-60, M

I’m thinking how is the conversation flowing? Asking questions about me? Does she have some sense of humor? I think confidence of the woman is when she isn’t trying to hard, or dressing to the nines to impress. I like relaxed, confident, conversational, dressed nicely but not overly made up if that’s a word. Good luck.

Ontheroad · M

My frame of mind was always to expect nothing and just relax, have fun and let nature take its course. There is always that first few moments when you are a bit nervous, but I found if I expected nothing other than I was going to have fun regardless of how she responded, it always (or nearly always) was a decent, fun date for both of us.

Boleuskas · M

When I go on a date, I am my self no expectations, I try to learn as much as I can about my date, I ask her questions, have a meaningful conversation, and then if we click great if not well it was a run evening

Shayama · F

@Boleuskas what type of questions

Boleuskas · M

@Shayama about her, her interests, hobbies, questions that would help me get some sort of knowledge about her....

Eddiesolds · 61-69, M

I just keep conversation going, so they feel comfortable. Im not nervous at all
. I just show them a good time. Its really nice to finally drop them off though.Why did we go out again?? Lmfao

checkoutanytime · M

Would she tend a garden & children, or would she run a business that would put my business out of business, is the simple version of what i ask myself.

Philasefer · M

Usually that Lose yourself By Eminem song is on my mind meeting someone for the first time

hippyjoe1955 · 61-69, M

It has been more years than I can remember when I was in the dating game. I have no idea.

AwakeningConfession221122

From past experience, when I was active I was nervous as fuck lol.

Bklynbadboy12 · 31-35, M

Im always nervous on a first date

Shytoshow · 56-60, M

little nervous

Degbeme · 70-79, M

Nervous as hell. I can`t have the wife seeing me. 🤭

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Degbeme · 70-79, M

@Coralmist I`m kidding. 😅

HootyTheNightOwl

@Degbeme I imagine that you were just as nervous when you met Mrs D for the first time, too...

Degbeme · 70-79, M

@HootyTheNightOwl I can`t remember that far back. 🤔

Catzgano · 31-35, F

They basically want sex mostly loo

11knaves11 · 41-45, M

Close...close

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

I'm always nervous. I think you have to be if you care.

DragonFruit · 61-69, M

@uncalled4 I agree....and first dates make you more anxious than subsequent ones.

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

My first-ever date with my ex-fiance was fraught with anxiety: having to find the restaurant near her town, restringing my guitar and practicing singing and playing a song, etc. It was a challenge. But, it worked out.

DDonde · 31-35, M

I get nervous yes until it gets going and then I ease into it.

Bang5luts · M

We're nervous as well. About many things

Bang5luts · M

no giving away trademark secrets. 😆 🤣

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