Merry men of SW, when you are on a first date..

@Carissimi oh wow how can I not feel nervous?

Well, I’m not sure. I’m looking at this with two minds. One when I was your age, and the other the age I am now. I suppose the difference for me (I don’t know why you feel nervous, but it obviously comes down to confidence in oneself), is negative life experiences and diminishing attractiveness to the opposite sex. At your age, even though I lacked some self confidence, I felt confident in my attractiveness and femininity because I attracted men from all ages and backgrounds (not that I was interested in the majority of them), so the idea of me not being enough never came into it. Now, with all the psychological baggage I carry, and the fact that I’m no longer attractive, due to age, leaves me feeling very diminished in my confidence regarding romantic relationships, so I have accepted this part of my life is over. 😔 Why do you think you lack confidence in yourself? Bad experiences? You are young, and have so much potential still. @Coralmist

@Carissimi For me, it comes down to a feeling that I somehow dont deserve love...goodness and joy that it encompasses. I sometimes can get over that feeling but ither days its hard. And the second thing that holds me back with guys is I fear that Ill be letting them down when they realize how much anxiety is in my life. I dont travel or do many social events because of anxiety, so I think they will want a woman who does do those things, and ditch me. 😢 so, feeling not enough.

I understand this, and I know many will give you advice on how to overcome these feelings, such as “love yourself more,” whatever that means. People tend to give generalized statements without actually giving the steps on how to do it. I could offer some generalized statements too, but I won’t because after several decades of going through this and that self improvement courses, therapists, etc; I’m left in my 60s with less improvement and less self confidence than ever. The one thing I’m left with is to just be myself. Accept this is me, it’s who I am, and let the chips fall wherever. At least there is no more striving to be a different me because I can’t be a different me. I have several principles that I practice, and one is to think how I can make today better than yesterday, and another is to look for the potential, possibilities, and positive experiences in today. This takes the stress off improving YOU, while still looking to improve your life. I like it. It takes the onus off the Self, but you can still work on improving life itself. I’m sorry if I make no sense, or this doesn’t help you. I’m just trying to get through it too. {hugs} 🥀@Coralmist

@Carissimi Thank you, it does make sense. Yes, sometimes I feel hopeless windering WHEN Ill be enough, when Ill not have anxiety, etc. But for now, I guess *I* need to make myself enough...even guys here have TOLD ME, Id enjoy not traveling, not going to lots of outings etc. But my mind thinks, well, many wont like how I am. BUT, i should scream to my subconscious, many wont mind how I am! I appreciate your feedback. And like the idea, which Ive heard in books, there really IS no self. Ty friend💜

I have to credit Jordan Peterson with my principles for life. I got them from him. 🤗 Good luck! @Coralmist