As someone who lives with domestic abuse, I feel that accuracy is important here... and, as such, it is important to state that MOST MEN do not beat their wives and children - however, there is a significant number of far right England supporters who do.
I also dispute that it ONLY happens after England are knocked out of any football tournament. I've seen women knocked about before kick off even started... so the cause in this case couldn't have been England getting knocked out.
Some of the reasons why this abuse towards women and children (yes, it's important to note that children are often victims of it, too - even if they are not struck themselves) can have more to do with the fact that you have a drunk man in a highly emotional state (win or lose)... he is unable to think straight between his emotions, the alcohol he has consumed and the world around him.
Lacking the ability to think things through clearly makes him more liable to react in the heat of the moment rather than thinking clearly and logically... and those most likely to suffer when this happens are those closest to him - so his partner and children.
I also dispute that it ONLY happens after England are knocked out of any football tournament. I've seen women knocked about before kick off even started... so the cause in this case couldn't have been England getting knocked out.
Some of the reasons why this abuse towards women and children (yes, it's important to note that children are often victims of it, too - even if they are not struck themselves) can have more to do with the fact that you have a drunk man in a highly emotional state (win or lose)... he is unable to think straight between his emotions, the alcohol he has consumed and the world around him.
Lacking the ability to think things through clearly makes him more liable to react in the heat of the moment rather than thinking clearly and logically... and those most likely to suffer when this happens are those closest to him - so his partner and children.
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ArishMell · 70-79, M
@HootyTheNightOwl I can see the common thread: some men are violent whether towards their wives (and sometimes children), or as football hooligans, or as mindless rioters whose only motive is a drive to inflict harm. However I am wary of trying to concatenate such crimes - but I certainly think a brute capable of rioting is equally capable of being cruel at home.
I am very sorry you have had such a dreadful time, and that you felt let down by the Police (and I don't know if the Police are given the responsibility of finding refuges for victims); but the very fact the law exists is at least a start.
I agree we have a long way to go; but people have been prosecuted under the controlling-behavour law, and even under the law against genital mutilation, an evil practice notoriously extremely difficult to act against.
Sadly, we can make all the laws we want but those acting against human weakness and ingrained bad attitudes can never be perfect. The alternative, to give up and do nothing, is obviously totally wrong; but we can and should at least try to protect people from cruelty.
I am very sorry you have had such a dreadful time, and that you felt let down by the Police (and I don't know if the Police are given the responsibility of finding refuges for victims); but the very fact the law exists is at least a start.
I agree we have a long way to go; but people have been prosecuted under the controlling-behavour law, and even under the law against genital mutilation, an evil practice notoriously extremely difficult to act against.
Sadly, we can make all the laws we want but those acting against human weakness and ingrained bad attitudes can never be perfect. The alternative, to give up and do nothing, is obviously totally wrong; but we can and should at least try to protect people from cruelty.
@ArishMell
If you are actively sitting in a police station, having called 999 four hours prior because your paranoid ass is convinced your abuser is following you... what are the police supposed to do with you, open the door to the station and say "Toodle oo, have a nice day"???
They had referred me to a refuge and were waiting on that refuge to call me back when they decided to put me in a position that would see me returned to my abuser within a couple of hours.
So, no, the fact that the law exists is just a band aid on an arterial bleed. "There we go, we don't see it anymore, so it's better now". This patient is dying... and, who knows how many more just like him/her will die before we figure out that we need surgery (to keep people in safe locations) to stitch together (wait for refuges to call them) before they bleed out (are returned to the exact same environment they fled from - to be killed.
I, and others experiencing domestic abuse, don't deserve to die for the sake of another hour or two spent in a "safe location" like a police station, of all places. If we are not safe and protected inside a police station... where are we safe and protected??? In a little cubicle down at the local pharmacy - where they have no security or powers of arrest should a survivor be located by their abuser???
(and I don't know if the Police are given the responsibility of finding refuges for victims)
If you are actively sitting in a police station, having called 999 four hours prior because your paranoid ass is convinced your abuser is following you... what are the police supposed to do with you, open the door to the station and say "Toodle oo, have a nice day"???
They had referred me to a refuge and were waiting on that refuge to call me back when they decided to put me in a position that would see me returned to my abuser within a couple of hours.
So, no, the fact that the law exists is just a band aid on an arterial bleed. "There we go, we don't see it anymore, so it's better now". This patient is dying... and, who knows how many more just like him/her will die before we figure out that we need surgery (to keep people in safe locations) to stitch together (wait for refuges to call them) before they bleed out (are returned to the exact same environment they fled from - to be killed.
I, and others experiencing domestic abuse, don't deserve to die for the sake of another hour or two spent in a "safe location" like a police station, of all places. If we are not safe and protected inside a police station... where are we safe and protected??? In a little cubicle down at the local pharmacy - where they have no security or powers of arrest should a survivor be located by their abuser???
ArishMell · 70-79, M
@HootyTheNightOwl Of course the Police should act, but they probably have definite limits on what they can, are authorised or are trained to do.
The whole system - or more accurately a very complicated set of systems - needs a thorough overhaul, and I wish it could be a lot better.
We have the laws; the problem seems they are not used properly. I wish they could be.
Perhaps there are too many laws and departmental systems accumulating piecemeal over many years, so the whole things is far too complicated and no-one is able or permitted to take any responsibility or initiative. Then we wonder why when people are attacked by spouses or parents so we "put procedures in place to prevent it happening it again" and call for dismissing some convenient scapegoats... it does happen again, in another family.
This certainly seems to have been so in murders of children by their "guardians", and I would not be surprised if something similar makes it very hard for people like yourself to be rescued and their attackers dealt with.
(Apart of course from it being impossible to predict who has not so far broken the law, doing so in future; especially in ways extremely difficult to report and deal with properly.)
Decades of cuts based on cost not value to public services have made things worse; but at heart perhaps the real difficulty is overcoming deeply-entrenched social attitudes.
The whole system - or more accurately a very complicated set of systems - needs a thorough overhaul, and I wish it could be a lot better.
We have the laws; the problem seems they are not used properly. I wish they could be.
Perhaps there are too many laws and departmental systems accumulating piecemeal over many years, so the whole things is far too complicated and no-one is able or permitted to take any responsibility or initiative. Then we wonder why when people are attacked by spouses or parents so we "put procedures in place to prevent it happening it again" and call for dismissing some convenient scapegoats... it does happen again, in another family.
This certainly seems to have been so in murders of children by their "guardians", and I would not be surprised if something similar makes it very hard for people like yourself to be rescued and their attackers dealt with.
(Apart of course from it being impossible to predict who has not so far broken the law, doing so in future; especially in ways extremely difficult to report and deal with properly.)
Decades of cuts based on cost not value to public services have made things worse; but at heart perhaps the real difficulty is overcoming deeply-entrenched social attitudes.
Oneofthestormboys · 56-60, M
GoFish ·
BluntSm0ker · 100+, M
Those working class English peasants are something else.
SunshineGirl · 36-40, F
Minniemixer123 · 36-40, M
@SunshineGirl Thanks for correcting me. I’m just minding my business.
GoFish ·
I hope not. Sheesh 😳
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GerOttman · 70-79, M
Isn't that covered under the rule of thumb?
ArishMell · 70-79, M
@NerdyPotato Sorry - I'm not sure of the logic. Of course they won't worry about another country losing a football match, but abusive husbands don't need much excuse to be abusive.
@ArishMell also true, but it tends to get worse when they do have an excuse.
Waveney · M
What???
ironborn · M
@Notladylike It's a 28% increase if England win and 34% if they lose..shockingly high and not acceptable. Alcohol and just anger.
I'm glad I'm a happy drunk. Awful but still not "most"
I'm glad I'm a happy drunk. Awful but still not "most"
MaryJo1996 · 26-30, F
