5:42am and I have been awake 2 hours, against my will....I am really suffering mentally/emotionally/spiritually....
Grieving a family that doesn't want me...
An Ill father...
A nation divided and cruel...
Swirling insults and pains of injustice from my past...
Each man who has hurt me is a snake I add to my Medusa head....
I pray to leave it all at Jesus' feet, I cry nearly every day now...I am trying so hard to hear a response in that "still, small whisper"....
Sometimes I feel like I am already in hell, because a true hell would not announce itself as such ...That would alleviate a measure of pain that Hell is not in the business of alleviating...
My glimmer of hope is the Night to Shine homecoming at church next Friday. I participated last year, and had a blast. Otherly abled teens are driven to my church by limo, paired with a buddy who will lead them throughout the event, fed a beautiful meal, given hair and beauty treatments, walked down a red carpet with "paparazzi" taking their photos before their homecoming dance....
It is truly lovely, but I have pinned so many hopes on this event...it might as well be a voodoo doll.
I am so fearful. If what they say is true, Epstein and co have had a field day right under our noses....
One of its most notorious participants has made us a mockery to former allies....
Sit with that. Imagine that. That worker called him a "pedo protector".
No.
He is not the condom.
He is the DISEASE.
White people like Renee Good and Alex Pretti are deservedly lauded for their courage combatting our modern day gestapo, and will go down in history as saints.
But how many black and brown people have also fallen at the hands of this racist regime? Yes, Trump "floods the zone" with so much nefarious news daily, that it is hard to keep up in the shuffle....But these people matter too!!!
The courage I saw in a hispanic student this week, in my friend's live video...He must not have been more than 5'4", with a green backpack on that made him look like a ninja turtle....
When everyone fled the protest for which they left school, police sirens blaring out, he stood alone and resolute. A cop parked right in front of him, by way of intimidation..but there he stood..his poster board may as well have added 10 feet to his stature.
I think the still, small voice just came....
Diem just placed a tiny paw on my chest, looked me in the eyes, and let me snuggle my face into her purring fur. She never does that....Booty used to let me all the time, and I have missed that so badly.
Weeping as I type this..I would gladly die if it would MEAN something..if it would topple a regime, or halt the building of concentrarion camps, or put a stop to the sex trafficking of what they are calling "bodies".
I would also gladly die, selfishly, to end my own suffering.
All this to say, this administration is giving some of us the gift of a death wish..and if we unite as the walking dead, they have a LOT to fear.
They call us bodies before we are even dead, so we must ACT ACCORDINGLY.
We had a lot to lose, but the more they give us NOTHING to lose...
All I'm saying is, there is nothing more potently dangerous than the electric blue of the center of that flame.
If we go out, we go out burning blue. FUCK. THEM.
An Ill father...
A nation divided and cruel...
Swirling insults and pains of injustice from my past...
Each man who has hurt me is a snake I add to my Medusa head....
I pray to leave it all at Jesus' feet, I cry nearly every day now...I am trying so hard to hear a response in that "still, small whisper"....
Sometimes I feel like I am already in hell, because a true hell would not announce itself as such ...That would alleviate a measure of pain that Hell is not in the business of alleviating...
My glimmer of hope is the Night to Shine homecoming at church next Friday. I participated last year, and had a blast. Otherly abled teens are driven to my church by limo, paired with a buddy who will lead them throughout the event, fed a beautiful meal, given hair and beauty treatments, walked down a red carpet with "paparazzi" taking their photos before their homecoming dance....
It is truly lovely, but I have pinned so many hopes on this event...it might as well be a voodoo doll.
I am so fearful. If what they say is true, Epstein and co have had a field day right under our noses....
One of its most notorious participants has made us a mockery to former allies....
Sit with that. Imagine that. That worker called him a "pedo protector".
No.
He is not the condom.
He is the DISEASE.
White people like Renee Good and Alex Pretti are deservedly lauded for their courage combatting our modern day gestapo, and will go down in history as saints.
But how many black and brown people have also fallen at the hands of this racist regime? Yes, Trump "floods the zone" with so much nefarious news daily, that it is hard to keep up in the shuffle....But these people matter too!!!
The courage I saw in a hispanic student this week, in my friend's live video...He must not have been more than 5'4", with a green backpack on that made him look like a ninja turtle....
When everyone fled the protest for which they left school, police sirens blaring out, he stood alone and resolute. A cop parked right in front of him, by way of intimidation..but there he stood..his poster board may as well have added 10 feet to his stature.
I think the still, small voice just came....
Diem just placed a tiny paw on my chest, looked me in the eyes, and let me snuggle my face into her purring fur. She never does that....Booty used to let me all the time, and I have missed that so badly.
Weeping as I type this..I would gladly die if it would MEAN something..if it would topple a regime, or halt the building of concentrarion camps, or put a stop to the sex trafficking of what they are calling "bodies".
I would also gladly die, selfishly, to end my own suffering.
All this to say, this administration is giving some of us the gift of a death wish..and if we unite as the walking dead, they have a LOT to fear.
They call us bodies before we are even dead, so we must ACT ACCORDINGLY.
We had a lot to lose, but the more they give us NOTHING to lose...
All I'm saying is, there is nothing more potently dangerous than the electric blue of the center of that flame.
If we go out, we go out burning blue. FUCK. THEM.
41-45, F
