Is this the fate all people are doomed to as they age?

Dad is 66, formerly a practical man who once focused on getting the best out of any situation and refusing to be beat by negativity.

He’s been retired almost two years and now his small talk is based on a things that annoy him. When idle he watches British and American politics - I suppose they are rants rather than news reports - and has generally a dim view of everything.

I try to get him out the house regularly and give him lots of time with his granddaughters to keep his mind active. But in the short space of two years he’s gone from pragmatic capable guy to a grumbling old git.

Do I keep trying to give him other things to think about other than online rage or let him become just another angry old ranter?

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ArishMell · 70-79, M

No, by no means all people are so doomed.

I am very sorry to read about your Dad's state, which makes me wonder - and I am NOT a doctor - if it's depression.

Some people do find it very hard to adapt to being retired, and maybe it's something not often recognised. It may depend a lot on what sort of leisure and social time they had previously, and to which they can now give more time and effort.

If he's always been very practical would he find a new life involved in some craft hobby with its own social life, such as a "Men's Shed", helping as a volunteer in a museum, or joining something like a local model-making or horticultural society?

Are there local events like public lectures and small-scale music recitals that might attract him?

WintaTheAngle · 41-45, M

@ArishMell No. He seems to resent leaving the house

ArishMell · 70-79, M

@WintaTheAngle That's so sad - he must have worked himself into a little corner of his own and can't see a way out of it. Agoraphobia perhaps?

WintaTheAngle · 41-45, M

@ArishMell No just a complete loss of interest

AntisocialTroll · 56-60, F

Can you get him interested in some sorta part time voluntary work?

It'd give him back a purpose in life and it'd help occupy his mind in a more positive way.

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AntisocialTroll · 56-60, F

@WintaTheAngle Does he have any interests or hobbies?

WintaTheAngle · 41-45, M

@AntisocialTroll Like be he is ex RAF abd was going to become a researcher for a local memorial museum, but he never returned their calls.

AntisocialTroll · 56-60, F

@WintaTheAngle Do you think he might be clinically depressed? Or is it just that work was always his whole reason for being?

If you can find something he enjoys, be it model railways, wood turning, anything at all that interests him will help unless it's a depression thing.

Thevy29 · 41-45, M

You need to stay active when you retire. Keep your fitness up to cause once you relax in that you may never get it back. Would he be open to try Lawn Bowls? Is there a 'Men's Shed' in your area?

paulisretired · 51-55, M

@Thevy29 True. If you stop moving, you stop. There needs to be a goal and a purpose behind all that.

paulisretired · 51-55, M

I feel for him...about two years for me and I am the same way. There is no purpose now. We need a reason to get up in the morning. I haven't found something that needs doing. If that makes sense.

ElwoodBlues · M

My father retired in the late '90s in the AOL era. He was very sweet and helpful in his retirement; fixing broken things, etc. He and my mom traveled a fair amount and he helped her with her many projects. In short, retirement doesn't always mean a man turns into budwick, but I'm sure it happens often enough.

paulisretired · 51-55, M

There is a finality to things. Never again will I fire off a 50 cal, get that meal out on time, walk the tier, holster a gun and escort someone to court, run to a fight. The adrenalin rush of a needed life is gone. That's my story. I hope you get the correlation. I'm right there with your dad. It's the suddenness of it all that get's to us.

blokeinpub

It certainly seems that way.

BridgeOvertroubledWaters · 61-69, M

keep on trying .. don't give up on him.

V00doo

My dad's similar. He retired 2019 and then pretty much aged over night with sikent heart attacks, covid, a long wait for a hip replacement. He's practically crippled. And he goes from being quite animated and happy to the complete opposite and the grumpiest of old men that even the cute grandkids can't snap him out of.

It's quite sad to see tbh.

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