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Does a lack of self confidence really make someone unattractive?

I'm not going to lie, I struggle with my self confidence and have since I was a teenager. Though I've gotten much better, it's still an uphill battle and I definitely have my highs and lows (and the lows can get really low).

Anyway, I've always thought that my family has lied to me about how attractive I am, because I have definitely never been treated like I'm attractive and in fact, usually get treated like the opposite. I've brought this up and the excuse is that I have no self confidence and it shows, and this is why I don't get seen or treated as attractive. This just doesn't pass the sniff test to me. Is there really any truth to this, or is it likely my family really is lying to me?

Apparently another thing is that I'm "elusive". It's true that I don't really like the idea of getting close with anyone and like to keep my distance. I still don't see how this would affect how many people notice me or how they treat me upon meeting me for the first time (as friends or in a professional setting; I don't date).

It doesn't really matter anyway since I'm not actually trying to attract anyone, but I don't want to get buffaloed by well-intentioned people who love me into accidentally thinking I'm better in any way than I really am. I feel like that would be a bigger blow than having low self confidence.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
No. It's cute and it indicates a lack of direct aggression. A combination of good looks and shyness is quite attractive. However, it mustn't go into extremes. Someone who needs reassurance several times a day every day isn't attractive. Also, you need to be objectively good at something.
PaleandPolluted · 36-40, F
Philth · 46-50, M
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
At school I was mocked for not finding any of the then popular idols attractive, instead I tended to be drawn to the geeky types.
Confidence is an interesting one : I'm more likely to be turned off by overconfidence (which is often a bluff, in any case) than underconfidence.
If you don't have some element of self doubt, then in my eyes you're not human, because only certain types of people never question themselves, and those types are best avoided.
zonavar68 · 51-55, M
Probably. I dont feel attractive physically or emotionally and have really bad social phobia. I'd prefer to be by myself any time I have a choice between needing to go out or not. I dont need or want friends and the only regular socialising I do is going to work and having time with my daughter. I'm the ghost in plain sight.
Now that I obviously love myself, people try talking to me more.

I think I’m also intimidating tho cause I like to be in my own lane and I don’t need people around me to be entertained. I don’t really like being spoken too, I’m busy figuring out my life when it’s slow at work 😂.

I have better things to do then get chummy with people that will probably dissapoint me. I know I spark curiosity
BnBSpringer09 · 26-30, F
@Pressure I've always been described as someone who has always gone off and done my own thing and could always entertain myself as well. I am polite and willing to engage in conversation when it's initiated with me, but rarely initiate (mostly out of fear of bothering or annoying someone, though I also get busy in my thoughts).
Softandsweet2 · 31-35, F
I think a lack of arrogance would make someone more attractive, but I think the main reason lies elsewhere.
iamnikki · 31-35, F
Just like arrogance can make an attractive person unattractive.
Bowenw · 61-69, M
It’s impossible to know if you are physically attractive without seeing you. Judging by your writing you sound intelligent with a pleasant personality that are both attractive qualities. Your lack of self confidence may not be even noticeable to anyone.
Strictmichael75 · 61-69, M
The most important thing to start with is feeling happy with yourself
Don’t worry about what others say
If you like yourself it will show to others!
If you want to chat more message me
Have a nice day and smile at yourself in the mirror
riseofthemachine · 41-45, M
Do you know the good thing about having low confidence. I'll tell you straight out .
The suffering humbles you and then God works that way
Mudkip · 31-35, M
Confidence and personality alone can instantly attract people. Having that and looks is something else. Invest in yourself, you'll have that confidence.
PaleandPolluted · 36-40, F
Confidence doesn't attract me, not sure why
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Nitedoc · 51-55, M
I believe it does. But confidence can be gained. You have to work at it.
Bleak · 36-40, F
Confidence makes you something more than beautiful or attractive.
Willomk1 · 46-50, M
No it can be very appealing
Barny52 · 56-60, M
Just in your own eyes no one else’s
darknessprevails · 26-30, M
Confidence is everything.
Think of Woopie goldberg..... not an example of what the entertainment industry would deem beautiful, yet she is successful, has had many handsome boyfriends and attracts people,🤷
This message was deleted by its author.
BnBSpringer09 · 26-30, F
@G0ddess Thanks, I'm trying! This is something that has been really hard and I'm trying to fight off negative self thoughts.

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