I have struggled with a different kind of addiction, and my recovery group includes a number of alcoholics. Based on my experience and theirs with various addictions, I can describe a common experience: a day comes, completely unexpected, when we go to bed at night and it hits us that we did not think about our addiction at all that day!
It may seem as if this will never happen, but hang in there and trust that eventually you will turn the corner.
I know it is difficult!