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I Hate How Women Are Seen In Society

Normally I don't get to fired up about society, but today I got mad and I got fired up.

Today I had to dress up for something so I wore a little black dress that I own. I will admit that yes this dress was a little on the shorter side and yes the cut on the neck was a little lower and yes the dress was form fitting. All this said the dress was not by any means immodest. Anyways I wore this dress out and today I got a ton of comments on how pretty I looked and at least 5 people told me I looked hot and a couple times I was told I looked sexy. I said thank you and moved on, but after a bit I started thinking. These people even if we don't talk everyday I see them every single day and never once have they said these things to me, but today when I where a dress that shoes off my body even the slightest I'm flocked with people. MY BODY SHOULD NOT BE THE REASON PEOPLE SAY THESE THINGS TO ME! I don't mind it when people say these things except for the fact that it only gets said when I show a little. This is never okay. Women shouldn't be treated like this.

Okay rant over.

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JoyfulSilence · 46-50, M

If they are coworkers they should not be saying these things, and even if they are not coworkers, they should not be saying them, at least not the sexual-toned stuff. Yet I suppose it is nice to say you look nice, or something more G-rated.

Or maybe not? Honestly nowadays I am too terrified to say anything that is on my mind to any woman about her appearance, either good or bad, unless it is clear to me she wants me to, or has not minded me saying so in the past. Yet if somebody pounces on me for saying something, I keep quiet from then on out, even if they post an image on here. In these matters, honesty usually just causes trouble. I have been well-trained just to keep quiet!

But in most cases I think, with men especially, people are going to judge sexiness and hotness primarily based on appearance, at least at first. We are animals and that is how we all evolved to be. It is what it is. It must be a success, evolutionarily, otherwise we would all have evolved differently.

I am not attractive so no woman has ever shown interest in me as a boyfriend. Perhaps there are other reasons, but I think my appearance keeps them away. Of course on here all they see are words, so on here I have a better chance of cultivating friendships. Still, no woman has a crush on me, at least none I now of. I have a few crushes on here. And it is usually not for physical reasons. I only know what a few look like, the rest I only know through their words.

Yes, I know personality, bearing, actions, etc., are also part of what people perceive as sexiness and hotness. But so is the physical. I do not think you can separate it unless you separate our brains from our bodies and its hormones, etc. When I get sexually aroused a lot of it is mental, I agree, but a lot is spontaneous, not something I think about, it just happens, and physical appearance is often this subconscious trigger.

So, although I think men need to be more courteous and subtle, we are who we are, and to expect our minds not to be thinking of the physical and sex is asking for too much. Asking us to not be men. I would not ask a woman to not get horny, either. Rather, society needs to learn to accept it all and channel it properly. We all need to be patient, civil, and loving. Encapsulate the physical in an envelope of love, or make love central and the physical a nice bonus. Of course if people just want to have sexual fun, let that happen, too. It makes people feel good so it cannot be bad (assuming there is not an unwanted baby as a result).

Sorry for men reacting more when you show more. I do it with women, even if I do not want to. It happens. Of course I do not say anything, but it is the reaction I have. I try not to glance but I do, at least peripherally. I know men need to learn to be cool and keep it to themselves, though, unless a woman asks what they think.

But what do I know? It is hard to just be myself and be acceptable to society and also the women in it, at the same time.

EmmelineVivinne · 26-30, F

These are people I go to school with at the local college.

I agree with everything you said. I love the compliments. I'll admit it they make me feel wonderful, but I don't like that I ONLY get them when I dress like this. It isn't all men and I don't men to not be men I just want to be respected by them. I saw my fiance today when I was wearing the dress and he said to me, "My beautiful fiance all dolled up. That dress looks great on you." I feel like any man could say this to most women without getting their heads bit off an if they are still scared to say, "That dress looks great on you" maybe "I like your dress" or "that's a lovely dress". I

JoyfulSilence · 46-50, M

@EmmelineVivinne I think the rules of the workplace should also apply to the classroom, too. People are there to do business, so it should be treated like work.

I think it is safer to be silent. And when it comes to women in relationships, I respect their relationship too much to complement her appearance. Unless the couple do not mind and want to know how I feel. I certainly would not call her a doll or beautiful.

Do you have a prominent engagement ring? Flash that around and maybe men will think twice. It works for me. There have been times when I saw a woman and was interested, but then when I saw the rock on her finger, I buried it. Yet even if she were single I am shy so probably would not talk to her. Of course it is really hard when there are emotions involved, too, and not just an attraction. I have probably had more crushes on non-single woman than single women. It is torture.

When I was in graduate school I had to teach undergrads. It was so hard for me not to glance at their bodies. I somehow managed to train myself to just look at faces and never glance (because she or somebody would see me glancing). It was torture because I was still young, 23-24, and my students were not much younger. I was very lonely and depressed and had crushes on two fellow students and one professor. Ugh (at least 2 were single).

Of course I would not have actively shown interest and would have rejected any advance from a student, that is just unethical or at least unwise. The good thing was that I was very professional. For example, there were attractive students who I did not have a high opinion of because they were dumb or not good students (yet I always kept this to myself and tried to be nice and helpful) and there were unattractive students who I admired for their intelligence, niceness, maturity, and hard work. I am glad that controlled me more than looks. Of course it was right to behave this way, and it was my job to behave this way. I gave D's to "hotties" as well as the ugly people. If they did not know the material or failed to turn in assignments, they suffered, equally. Of course there were A's, too! My students hated me, judging by the evaluations, and thought I was horrible. Some were sympathetic, and saw how nervous and introverted I was. I did not want to do it but that is how I paid for school. In hindsight we grad students were just cheap labor for the university. I just feel bad for the students who paid for professors yet got grad students.

EmmelineVivinne · 26-30, F

My ring is very flashy and I do use it to my advantage a lot. I don't want people calling me "doll" "sexy" and "hot" is iffy, but I love it when people call me "beautiful" "pretty" "gorgeous"

rfhh1959 · 61-69, M

When one dress better than their normal or the norm of their group (or office) comments will be made. Some of the remarks you refer to are inappropriate in today work place. A more appropriate remark would have been that is a nice dress or that dress looks nice on you

They thought they were being complementary

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wunderluv · 51-55, M

@EmmelineVivinne I think that the comments flow from the natural draw that we have when we see beauty. I think it should be expressed when it is expressed in a tactful way and then the person should move on so an not to make the compliment awkward. These days these interactions are played out very gracefully or as appropriately as should because of the rise of and dependance on texting and so-called "social media" forms of communications.
I hope that this bigger picture perspective can help you to understand the situation tgat you describe in a broader way, not that your take on it is wrong, I just thought I should add this context simply to add to thd discussion here even tbough I understand that I came to it a few years later. Lol

EmmelineVivinne · 26-30, F

@wunderluv Looking back on this it was definitely an overreaction on my part.
Though I still had some valid points and I think your argument brings to light those points, I got compliments on my beauty when I “showed off” my body, what I was trying to articulate was that it was not so much the comments that bothered me but rather the fact that they were directed towards my body. Does that makes sense? My beauty is a lot more than my body, though I will admit I do have (or I guess I should say had baby kind of screwed things up) a “good body”. I still feel like compliments about beauty are about more than the body and the outfit.

wunderluv · 51-55, M

@EmmelineVivinne I agree in my following reply in tbis thread I talk more about crude and improper comments. I should probably have put a line or two about other ways that women are beautiful but then this post was about in school interactions and so I didn't tbink that needed to be brought in to my exposition of my points of view; that and I didn't want to bombard your thread with a TLDR aka a book on the subject of intuitive human interaction which, of course MOST people not all sadly intuitively understand. Anyway, I probably should leave this topic here because I'm at risk of writing the book that nobody signed up for! Lol

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

Enjoy the comments while you're young. You won't get them forever:)

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ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@EmmelineVivinne I see your point but like someone else said, people tend to notice more when someone is dressed differently from their norm...so they feel they should comment.:)

EmmelineVivinne · 26-30, F

I know, but it still ticks me off

wunderluv · 51-55, M

@EmmelineVivinne I think that people are want to just simply note(comment on) and appreciate your above and beyond YOUR normal efforts to dress up nice.
For example, when I dress normally I get no recognition for it nor would I expect any, it's a normal ordinary day; but when I get all dressed up and I'm perfectly shaved and smelling awesome people notice it and compliment me too BECAUSE of my extra ordinary effort to look good.. people naturally that yiu made the effort to "dress to impress" and so some of them naturally would respond to that effort by way of a compliment - a simple acknowledgement of your effort. In ALMOST every case you will find that the compliments will be entirely innocent even if not very socially graceful with no sinister motivation.
I would never encourage any woman or man to put put up with any crass or untoward comments, but that said I also think that perceiving an injustice where there isn't one doesn't help yours or anyone's social bonds because being unnecessarily critical of others in an angry way especially openly is ungracious and puts a chill on normal social interaction (human nature).
I've had interactions with people (women) who knocked back my entirely normal compliments and in the end the result is that it leaves a bad social interaction and a woman who at at the least would be viewed as cold or ungracious or a diva so.
Now again I am not in any way defending any person who would make any rude or improper remarks. Those guys (or girls) would typically get at least a mild to very stern talking to from me

SageWanderer · 70-79, M

I understand your rant and agree. Just so no one got out of line with you.

EmmelineVivinne · 26-30, F

I am not sure I understand the second part of your comment

SageWanderer · 70-79, M

@EmmelineVivinne It's nice to get complements although you feel it was just because of your dress. I just hope no one took your dress as a open invitation to ask for sexual favors.

EmmelineVivinne · 26-30, F

90% of the people in my school know I'm engaged and would be afraid to ask for those types of favors. And I agree the complements were nice. I just wish I didn't have to dress out to get them.

Goralski · 51-55, M

Throw d dress away and stop wearing makeup

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Goralski · 51-55, M

@EmmelineVivinne goodluck with that

EmmelineVivinne · 26-30, F

It's a problem with society that I am going to speak out on until I see a change.

Justme264 · 70-79, M

@EmmelineVivinne of course you should be respected for yourself not what you wear

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EmmelineVivinne · 26-30, F

My boss is a male

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SW-User

It's better to ignore and dress the way you want to :)

EmmelineVivinne · 26-30, F

And that's what I do, but it's still annoying. I was over it hours ago, but just "getting over it" doesn't change anything. People need to speak out about it. Ignoring the problem just edges it on.

SW-User

@EmmelineVivinne Good that you brought this

bhatjc · 46-50, M

So true

Chickie · F

I know where you're coming from it's annoying. For some reason some...men still think women belong to them.

I ignore superficial people like that.

EmmelineVivinne · 26-30, F

I let the comments roll of the back, but I feel like it needs to be spoken about. Silence about it makes it seem okay and it's not okay. If me saying something changed the way that just one person thinks I'll be happy.

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