I Want to Die, I Have Nothing to Live For

I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. But for the past few weeks I have been feeling really depressed and really wanting to end my life. I haven’t acted on it recently but I have really dark thoughts and I keep thinking that everyone’s happy except for me. I keep making jokes about my death as a way of coping better.

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TheSeptikSkeptik · 46-50, M

Well, I can tell you for a fact that everyone isn't happy. So I hope that helps you feel a bit better. Depression is an epidemic here in the US. Most of the depressed people you meet generally don't show it. If we met on the street, you would think that I'm the happiest person you've ever met because I always have a huge dumb smile on my face and am constantly joking around but the truth is, I feel very isolated and alone. Might be why I'm here. 🤔 People who are happy generally create purpose in their lives to drive that motivation. Hobbies, passionate careers and even rewiring the way that you think really helps. Helping people and volunteering my time is really rewarding as well and gives me a purpose.

SW-User

@TheSeptikSkeptik thank you for sharing that with me.

Bebop · 31-35, M

Hmm, do you know what you're doing in life atm?. Good to have a focus so you're not always with your thoughts, and it's a way of moving on from old habits. I used to be terribly depressed/anxious to the point of suicide but since I worked and now have savings to have options I'm too focused on the future/the knowledge I now have possibilities has changed the way I feel about myself.

SW-User

@Bebop I appreciate you telling me that. I have some idea , I’m going to do a volunteering placement at a farm with animals that the council woman arranged fur to what college said, will hopefully start after Christmas until September 2019 then I will try and get back into college to do art. After that I hope do to A levels then university. I’m struggling with my depression and sleep patterns. I’m grieving over the loss of three guniea pigs that suddenly died. That’s really made me feel worse loosing them. I might be aloud a part time job if I get back into college. The part time job is only if I don’t get my mental health payments as my dad won’t allow me to have a part time job just yet. I’m trying to excise more and stop binge eating. Even though tonight and yesterday I did due to periods. I’m trying to get my sleep sorted out. I’m also trying to get back into singing practice and trying to teach myself how to play songs on my keyboard properly and trying to do more art work and finish of my painting in time for an exhibition i will hopefully be entering in January 2019.

snofan · M

Please talk to someone you trust. I know how difficult it can be asking for help, but please do. It doesn't have to be like this

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snofan · M

@SW-User Then please keep trying. There are so many different types of meds for depression. Something will work for you. If it's not working then insist on something different. I have been in that darkest of dark places. I understand the total exhaustion of being there. You are doing well by seeing and acknowledging what is going on. That is a big step. Please try not to give in to the tiredness. Please go back to you doctor, and tell him/her the things that you have said here.

SW-User

Read my featured post then you might understand @snofan

snofan · M

@SW-User I appreciate what you are saying but - clinical depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. That CAN be treated. In the same way that many other ailments can be treated. There is NO shame in taking something to fix something that is needing fixing. My meds don't make me happy, but they take me back to a place where I am able to cope with life's ups and downs. They don't MAKE me happy, but they ALLOW me to be happy. And I was lucky that I got the right meds first time. Many others are not so lucky. Trying to fight depression on your own, without meds, can be a lot like deciding to fight heart disease on your own. It's most probably just not going to happen. But I am not the professional. Please go back to your doctor, or a different doctor. But please see someone.

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

Depression is an insidious beast and fools you constantly. Get help. Those thoughts seem real but aren't the truth

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