I Want to Die, I Have Nothing to Live For

I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. But for the past few weeks I have been feeling really depressed and really wanting to end my life. I haven’t acted on it recently but I have really dark thoughts and I keep thinking that everyone’s happy except for me. I keep making jokes about my death as a way of coping better.

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Bebop · 31-35, M

Hmm, do you know what you're doing in life atm?. Good to have a focus so you're not always with your thoughts, and it's a way of moving on from old habits. I used to be terribly depressed/anxious to the point of suicide but since I worked and now have savings to have options I'm too focused on the future/the knowledge I now have possibilities has changed the way I feel about myself.

SW-User

@Bebop I appreciate you telling me that. I have some idea , I’m going to do a volunteering placement at a farm with animals that the council woman arranged fur to what college said, will hopefully start after Christmas until September 2019 then I will try and get back into college to do art. After that I hope do to A levels then university. I’m struggling with my depression and sleep patterns. I’m grieving over the loss of three guniea pigs that suddenly died. That’s really made me feel worse loosing them. I might be aloud a part time job if I get back into college. The part time job is only if I don’t get my mental health payments as my dad won’t allow me to have a part time job just yet. I’m trying to excise more and stop binge eating. Even though tonight and yesterday I did due to periods. I’m trying to get my sleep sorted out. I’m also trying to get back into singing practice and trying to teach myself how to play songs on my keyboard properly and trying to do more art work and finish of my painting in time for an exhibition i will hopefully be entering in January 2019.