Midnight Musings...
A moonless light
A moonless night, tonight
The only light offered by stringed lights overhead
Chairs litter the patio
Evidence of a well loved space
A woman has captured my heart -
Wild... and beautiful
Matching the prayers prayed for months...
“Wish you were here”
Dog toys also litter the ground around me
Evidence of a family
Am I home?
For how long?
Tobacco warms my mouth
Above the chill of the night
Smoke gently lifts from my pipe
Dancing to the breeze
Darts litter the dartboard
Someone has been practicing
Honing their skills for the bullseye
Clearly they don’t know the trick
See, the game is not won by bullseye
But by 3 triple 20’s
But I couldn’t expect them to know that
They haven’t lived the life I’ve lived
Darts at Back East with all of them
What a golden time that was
Throwing back drinks in the basement
Listening to rock on an old speaker
Down in monument
I think you’d love it there
Such a quiet place
What a beautiful little town
A place I dare not go
No, not yet
Too many good memories
Tainted by loss
Before it all fell apart
Before the Navy
Before suicide knocked on my door
And I was alone again
I had a family once
Lost in the fire
I miss being part
Of something bigger
Yesterday is history, Yea
Tomorrow still a mystery
But today, this early morning
Is a gift, in fact, known as the present
And these days are better than those days
I reach again for the pipe
Perhaps to bring me back into the present
And exhale the past
For today is a day made for my eyes
Hand crafted by a beautiful painter
Oh, and did I mention?
She is a painter... a masterful one at that
Possible futures flash behind my eyes
Dancing with her by that damned tree
Perhaps showing her the places I call home
My memories strewn about creation
Oh, wandering mind
How I love the stories you tell
Of times past and yet to come
How I enjoy spending time alone with you
Another time
Playing with legos
Interrupted by terror
Of a tornado warning
The skies were brown that day
I’ll never forget
In fact the song that just came on
Was on the radio that day
“Old man
Look at my life
I’m a lot like you were”
And Oh, innocence shattered
In those days
The joy stolen from me
Yet restored later by the Lord my God
Let’s take a moment to read
The words my mind has bled
Just a minute to retrace
The steps my mind has walked
Oh, Makayla
I hope someday you’ll understand
What it means for a woman like you
To just... waltz into my life
Telling me you’d like to get to know me
To tell me you feel the same way
To talk to me while sleep tugs at your eyes
To run circles around this mess of a mind
What does your voice sound like?
What about your laugh?
What makes you cry?
What breaks your heart?
How Id love to see you smile
To touch your soul
To know you feel safe
I want you to feel safe
You’ll never know the sound of shattering glass
I’ll never know terror in your eyes
I’ll never feel the way I did back then
I don’t quite know how to tell you that story
I’ve healed but you ought to know I’m terrified
That my sin will be shown and I’ll be alone again
But don’t be offended by that fear
It’s something I deserve, I believe
I don’t miss what I had
Because she was never mine to take
When I loved her most was when she was gone
I hope you’ll understand
See they’ve always told me
That if you truly love a woman
You should let her go
Let her be wild, let her be free
They’ve always told me
If you let her go
And she comes back, she’s yours
If she leaves, she never was
And there’s an implied peace there
But I’ve a feeling deep down
That the author of those words
Got to keep that which they surrendered
But don’t misunderstand me
I’m no victim, no, but the aggressor
A victim of my own actions perhaps
Having reaped what was sown
Ah, my tobacco pipe keeps going out
Spending too much time at a time
Tracking a few thought processes
Too distracted to maintain my vice
Another moment to re read what I’ve written
To see if I should scrap this one
No, no it’s so genuine
It’s so good, really, it is
I’ve so much to say to you, Makayla
So many more stories
So much to know about you
About what you might hide behind your smile
Maybe you’ll think it’s strange
How you run across my mind
I know I do
I’ve known you for so little time
And it’s cliche
But I’ve prayed
About someone like you for many years
So it feels like maybe I know you
I might be running out of things to say
My train of thought might be too far ahead
As John Denver tells me about Country Roads
I’d love to show you the roads I grew up on
I’d love to show you my world
Maybe it’s similar to yours
Maybe we aren’t very different
Maybe I’m excited to find out
It’s difficult to say how I feel
But I think you understand
I’d love to know the way you smile
I’d love to remember the way your eyes shine
And maybe that’s too intimate
Maybe you’ve thought about it too
Maybe there are too many maybes
As I sit on this well loved patio
Another moment to read
A moment to set things in order
So the Dog won’t get to them
Before I make my way to my room
Now that things are set in order
I need to write something else down
Before I forget
Before it is lost
What might things look like in a month?
Might you feel like home?
Might we be walking the wire?
Might we be starting to get used to one another?
I hope so
I’d hate to watch you walk past me
In this busy street
And to always wonder what could have been
Walking up these stairs
I love the way the wood creaks
An experience universal to mankind
Like seeing the moon that refuses to rise tonight
Open the sliding glass door
To pass through and shut it again
It shuts heavy... needing new bearings
Set the two by four in the notch
Set the alarm
*alarm on - warning - door or window open*
Ah, the kids must have the door open downstairs
With the screen door closed
Letting in the cool summer evening air
I remember the days
Working my way upstairs
Quietly opening Mark’s door
Walking gently past and into my room
The soft red glow of an onyx lamp
Purchased in Puerto Vallarta
Maybe I’ll take you someday
Show you my secret beach
Where all the best shells are kept
Maybe we can walk to town
Along the beach
And maybe we can find those fishermen
You know
The ones who go out early to catch oysters
And bring them to the shore
For a dollar they’ll give them to you raw
Along with hot sauce and kind
There are others, too
They grill the shrimp and steak
For a dollar you can get a while skewer
For twenty you can feed their families for 2 weeks
In town there’s an ice cream shop
With a great view of the cathedral
Every flavor you could want
For, you guessed it, a dollar.
And if I can find it again
I’d take you to the glass shop
Where I bought the lamp
So many beautiful things there
I Remember looking down
2,000 feet above the jungle
Hanging on to the zip line
Screaming in terror and sheer joy
And the last zip line that day
They took off our harnesses
Micah told us to jump into the river
And go cliff diving
What shall I write
As Sleep tugs at my eyes?
A moonless night, tonight
The only light offered by stringed lights overhead
Chairs litter the patio
Evidence of a well loved space
A woman has captured my heart -
Wild... and beautiful
Matching the prayers prayed for months...
“Wish you were here”
Dog toys also litter the ground around me
Evidence of a family
Am I home?
For how long?
Tobacco warms my mouth
Above the chill of the night
Smoke gently lifts from my pipe
Dancing to the breeze
Darts litter the dartboard
Someone has been practicing
Honing their skills for the bullseye
Clearly they don’t know the trick
See, the game is not won by bullseye
But by 3 triple 20’s
But I couldn’t expect them to know that
They haven’t lived the life I’ve lived
Darts at Back East with all of them
What a golden time that was
Throwing back drinks in the basement
Listening to rock on an old speaker
Down in monument
I think you’d love it there
Such a quiet place
What a beautiful little town
A place I dare not go
No, not yet
Too many good memories
Tainted by loss
Before it all fell apart
Before the Navy
Before suicide knocked on my door
And I was alone again
I had a family once
Lost in the fire
I miss being part
Of something bigger
Yesterday is history, Yea
Tomorrow still a mystery
But today, this early morning
Is a gift, in fact, known as the present
And these days are better than those days
I reach again for the pipe
Perhaps to bring me back into the present
And exhale the past
For today is a day made for my eyes
Hand crafted by a beautiful painter
Oh, and did I mention?
She is a painter... a masterful one at that
Possible futures flash behind my eyes
Dancing with her by that damned tree
Perhaps showing her the places I call home
My memories strewn about creation
Oh, wandering mind
How I love the stories you tell
Of times past and yet to come
How I enjoy spending time alone with you
Another time
Playing with legos
Interrupted by terror
Of a tornado warning
The skies were brown that day
I’ll never forget
In fact the song that just came on
Was on the radio that day
“Old man
Look at my life
I’m a lot like you were”
And Oh, innocence shattered
In those days
The joy stolen from me
Yet restored later by the Lord my God
Let’s take a moment to read
The words my mind has bled
Just a minute to retrace
The steps my mind has walked
Oh, Makayla
I hope someday you’ll understand
What it means for a woman like you
To just... waltz into my life
Telling me you’d like to get to know me
To tell me you feel the same way
To talk to me while sleep tugs at your eyes
To run circles around this mess of a mind
What does your voice sound like?
What about your laugh?
What makes you cry?
What breaks your heart?
How Id love to see you smile
To touch your soul
To know you feel safe
I want you to feel safe
You’ll never know the sound of shattering glass
I’ll never know terror in your eyes
I’ll never feel the way I did back then
I don’t quite know how to tell you that story
I’ve healed but you ought to know I’m terrified
That my sin will be shown and I’ll be alone again
But don’t be offended by that fear
It’s something I deserve, I believe
I don’t miss what I had
Because she was never mine to take
When I loved her most was when she was gone
I hope you’ll understand
See they’ve always told me
That if you truly love a woman
You should let her go
Let her be wild, let her be free
They’ve always told me
If you let her go
And she comes back, she’s yours
If she leaves, she never was
And there’s an implied peace there
But I’ve a feeling deep down
That the author of those words
Got to keep that which they surrendered
But don’t misunderstand me
I’m no victim, no, but the aggressor
A victim of my own actions perhaps
Having reaped what was sown
Ah, my tobacco pipe keeps going out
Spending too much time at a time
Tracking a few thought processes
Too distracted to maintain my vice
Another moment to re read what I’ve written
To see if I should scrap this one
No, no it’s so genuine
It’s so good, really, it is
I’ve so much to say to you, Makayla
So many more stories
So much to know about you
About what you might hide behind your smile
Maybe you’ll think it’s strange
How you run across my mind
I know I do
I’ve known you for so little time
And it’s cliche
But I’ve prayed
About someone like you for many years
So it feels like maybe I know you
I might be running out of things to say
My train of thought might be too far ahead
As John Denver tells me about Country Roads
I’d love to show you the roads I grew up on
I’d love to show you my world
Maybe it’s similar to yours
Maybe we aren’t very different
Maybe I’m excited to find out
It’s difficult to say how I feel
But I think you understand
I’d love to know the way you smile
I’d love to remember the way your eyes shine
And maybe that’s too intimate
Maybe you’ve thought about it too
Maybe there are too many maybes
As I sit on this well loved patio
Another moment to read
A moment to set things in order
So the Dog won’t get to them
Before I make my way to my room
Now that things are set in order
I need to write something else down
Before I forget
Before it is lost
What might things look like in a month?
Might you feel like home?
Might we be walking the wire?
Might we be starting to get used to one another?
I hope so
I’d hate to watch you walk past me
In this busy street
And to always wonder what could have been
Walking up these stairs
I love the way the wood creaks
An experience universal to mankind
Like seeing the moon that refuses to rise tonight
Open the sliding glass door
To pass through and shut it again
It shuts heavy... needing new bearings
Set the two by four in the notch
Set the alarm
*alarm on - warning - door or window open*
Ah, the kids must have the door open downstairs
With the screen door closed
Letting in the cool summer evening air
I remember the days
Working my way upstairs
Quietly opening Mark’s door
Walking gently past and into my room
The soft red glow of an onyx lamp
Purchased in Puerto Vallarta
Maybe I’ll take you someday
Show you my secret beach
Where all the best shells are kept
Maybe we can walk to town
Along the beach
And maybe we can find those fishermen
You know
The ones who go out early to catch oysters
And bring them to the shore
For a dollar they’ll give them to you raw
Along with hot sauce and kind
There are others, too
They grill the shrimp and steak
For a dollar you can get a while skewer
For twenty you can feed their families for 2 weeks
In town there’s an ice cream shop
With a great view of the cathedral
Every flavor you could want
For, you guessed it, a dollar.
And if I can find it again
I’d take you to the glass shop
Where I bought the lamp
So many beautiful things there
I Remember looking down
2,000 feet above the jungle
Hanging on to the zip line
Screaming in terror and sheer joy
And the last zip line that day
They took off our harnesses
Micah told us to jump into the river
And go cliff diving
What shall I write
As Sleep tugs at my eyes?
