I Am Afraid Of Never Being Truly Loved

An easy lovingkindess meditation is to spend a few minutes saying to yourself, "May I be happy, peaceful, well and safe." Your mind will wander. That's normal and expected. When you realize it has wandered, you can GENTLY bring your mind back to the meditation. Your noticing your mind has wandered and then kindly bringing it back is what helps change your mind and way of treating yourself. Even doing the meditation for 1-5 minutes can help.

From an article a Stanford research scientist wrote about the benefits of lovingkindness meditation. The article includes a link to a free audio lovingkindness meditation.

"1. Increases Positive Emotions & Decreases Negative Emotions

In a landmark study, Barbara Frederickson and her colleagues found that practicing seven weeks of loving-kindness meditation increased love, joy, contentment, gratitude, pride, hope, interest, amusement, and awe. These positive emotions then produced increases in a wide range of personal resources (e.g., increased mindfulness, purpose in life, social support, decreased illness symptoms), which, in turn, predicted increased life satisfaction and reduced depressive symptoms.....

Curbs self-criticism

A study by Shahar et al (2014) found that loving-kindness meditation was effective for self-critical individuals in reducing self-criticism and depressive symptoms, and improving self-compassion and positive emotions. These changes were maintained three months post-intervention.

Immediate and Long-term Impact

The nice thing about loving-kindness meditation is that it has been shown to be effective in both immediate and small doses (i.e. instant gratification) but that it also has long-lasting and enduring effects.

17. Is effective even in small doses

Our study—Hutcherson, Seppala and Gross (2008)—found an effect of a small dose of loving-kindness meditation (practiced in a single short session lasting less than 10 minutes). Compared with a closely matched control task, even just a few minutes of loving-kindness meditation increased feelings of social connection and positivity toward strangers.

18. Has long-term impact.

A study by Cohn et al (2011) found that 35 percent of participants of a loving-kindness meditation intervention who continued to meditate and experience enhanced positive emotions 15 months after the intervention. Positive emotions correlated positively with the number of minutes spent meditating daily."
http://www.mindful.org/18-science-based-reasons-to-try-loving-kindness-meditation/

It is sad to carry on with a feeling of not being truly loved by the spouse.
To get rid off the thoughts is something ridiculous.
To win the love may seem an unachievable task.
But we have to strive hard for every possibility to win.
Suppose, your child or someone you loving is sick.
It is saddening. You try every chance to make him healthy. .... And to the worst if an incurable disease?
Then we have to make up our mind to cope with it.
But it is the last step....even then , we won't give up the fight to 'win' over for a cure.
The marriage involves two individuals.
Put your leg in his shoe.
Is he a person very much selfish or eccentric?
Then think if you have any way to tackle the problem.
Does he seeking more pleasures....and he finding you not giving him happiness and pleasure.
Think you think how you can win him over .....
You doubting some other person winning him to her. They why not you?
You believe in God.
Marriage is God's plan.
You put three pictures together in your mind.
You, and your husband and in between God.

If you are in perfect harmony with God, then God will intervene...the waves of harmony will pass on to the other end. It is divine power.

Have you tried to untangle a knot. It is difficult, but possible. The best possibility is get the whole thing into a rhythmic note....then the knot start untangling.
Take a stand of hair. Put a knot in the middle. Try to untangle.
It is rather impossible.
Take the strand of hair into your hand, close your hand with the knot at the lower fold of the hand..then beat that corner on the palm of your other hand for a long time. Slowly...you see the knot starting untangled.
The harmony of the beat is making the change... not the skill!!
Prayer changes things!!
But while you pray, you need to be in perfect harmony with God.
May God bless you.

Between your childhood treatment by your alcoholic, addicted mom to your treatment by your sexually and emotionally withholding ISIS-admiring husband in an arranged marriage, you have many emotional wounds that deserve to be healed.Individual therapy with a therapist experienced in working with children of alcoholics could give you the support that would help you realize you are worthy of love and capable of getting it.


Your extended family and several of us have strongly suggested that you enter therapy. Some of us even have shared his therapy helped us including helping transform our self images and helping release us from lifetimes of depression and low self esteem.Have you found a therapist snd entered therapy yet?


Getting involved in Al Anon of Nar Anon also could help. Both are free anonymous groups for people whose lives have been affected by others' drinking of drug use. The groups are available on line and in person throughout many parts of the world.Reading about codependency and about adult children of alcoholics also will help. The book that I found most helpful was, "guide to recovery"by Gravitz and Bowen.

Sweet lady let me say one thing: I am sure that nobody loves us as much as we should love ourselves. So the best love comes from ourselves. Of course in your case and due to your experiences it is not easy to love yourself but little by little you can. Go to the mirror and tell the person whom you see in the mirror how much you love her.. Do it every day .... little by little.

sorry dear. and,please know you are Not...' the only one w/o romantic love,etc'. but ,as a young woman in the US, why or how did you accept his Shit, before and while you kept popping out babies???!
You Can move on. Lots of years Ahead of you....!?

You can experience it... and you deserve to experience... God created us for that.

I think many of us have those emotions. More and more people, it seems, have had broken childhoods or relationships. It helps when you find someone trustworthy to talk to about it. But be sure the person you talk with is able to offer insight into your situation. Unless of course, you just need to vent or unless you don't want input or friendship ?

You have an idiot for a husband thats all you have been unlucky.
You love your children and they love you which is the most important thing.

Maybe one day when the children are little older and not as dependent on you then you could leave your husband find somebody who will show you affection.

Lovingkindness meditation can help you love yourself and feel loveable. You can find free audios online.

Actually God always with you..remember.that

Be strong Rose. Your kids need you!