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I Am Afraid Of Never Being Truly Loved

I won't lie. I do have this fear. Fear of abandonment and never being loved.

My mom was an alcoholic and drug addict. She was always leaving me for drugs. She was never worried about me My husband because she said I had a good head of my shoulders. Doesn't mean I wasn't harmed.

My husband I feel like the more he got to know me, the more he hated me. And I never really got to show him all of me because I didn't feel safe with it.

I wasn't married for too long before he started on going on trips. Hes always happy on these trips. Even in the beginning he was never happy with me, but was always happy when he was away from me.

And some of these trips ...... at least one of them he wasn't going where he said he was.

So yes I'm afraid I may never be loved. The only people who've ever made me feel loved are my children. But I feel like I'm choking. Sometimes I feel like I'm dying inside. I see everyone but me experiencing romantic love. Everyone but me.

So...... I don't know if I really do believe in love. Not that kind anyways. I'm not sure if I'll ever experience it.

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searchnfind

It is sad to carry on with a feeling of not being truly loved by the spouse.
To get rid off the thoughts is something ridiculous.
To win the love may seem an unachievable task.
But we have to strive hard for every possibility to win.
Suppose, your child or someone you loving is sick.
It is saddening. You try every chance to make him healthy. .... And to the worst if an incurable disease?
Then we have to make up our mind to cope with it.
But it is the last step....even then , we won't give up the fight to 'win' over for a cure.
The marriage involves two individuals.
Put your leg in his shoe.
Is he a person very much selfish or eccentric?
Then think if you have any way to tackle the problem.
Does he seeking more pleasures....and he finding you not giving him happiness and pleasure.
Think you think how you can win him over .....
You doubting some other person winning him to her. They why not you?
You believe in God.
Marriage is God's plan.
You put three pictures together in your mind.
You, and your husband and in between God.

If you are in perfect harmony with God, then God will intervene...the waves of harmony will pass on to the other end. It is divine power.

Have you tried to untangle a knot. It is difficult, but possible. The best possibility is get the whole thing into a rhythmic note....then the knot start untangling.
Take a stand of hair. Put a knot in the middle. Try to untangle.
It is rather impossible.
Take the strand of hair into your hand, close your hand with the knot at the lower fold of the hand..then beat that corner on the palm of your other hand for a long time. Slowly...you see the knot starting untangled.
The harmony of the beat is making the change... not the skill!!
Prayer changes things!!
But while you pray, you need to be in perfect harmony with God.
May God bless you.