I Am So Alone

I grew up but I never matured, my life lacked the love & compassion so essential to one's developement.

So I'm here, broken, and I barely know it, only by seeing the life in other's eyes do I know that something is missing, something is wrong.

I am compassionless, both in that I have little compassion & am shown so little, maybe one created the other, maybe they developed individually.

All that I know is that I want that compassion, that I'm missing it, that I'm broken & it breaks me still.

Someone look into my eyes, though my ex<x>pressions may change, my eyes reveal something different.

I know why you don't look in my eyes, I understand the reasons that my words or my presence may make you somewhat confused, somewhat uncomfortable, but let your love shine through to me, shine light into the dark I'm trapped in, show me a way out, be my way out.. please.

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QuestionMarks

Just wanted to share this with you. This pretty much speaks my heart and what I was trying to say about love. Love is not easy. It is not an exchange between two humans. It is beyond humans- it is a powerful force within the universe itself that calls to you that is imbued with wisdom. Love itself sustains a person. True love gives. I have no idea if you believe in God but let me say that other qualities God has, but love is what He is and when you accept love from Him you will understand the power of giving love and love will shape you and mold you. When you let love be who you are you will in fact get love back but getting love is not something to seek, it comes to you.

From my favorite poet and philospher, a very wise man (Kahlil Gibran):

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Kerennya

Khalil Gibran has some great things to say, doesn't he? Thanks so much for sharing this!

QuestionMarks

Yes for him, all aspects of life flow from love. Once you truly understand love, life will work in its perfect balance. The sad part are those who see him as a mere poet and think his words are just flowery fluff, when in fact he himself says, 'let me speak my truths to you' and then speaks of how to have a solid foundation to every aspect of life. I love his observations and wisdom.

QuestionMarks

It doesn't work that way as much as you want it to and as much as it appears to. You need to shine YOUR light, love and compassion to other people and then you will get a similar response back. You also need to stop coveting period. Comparing yourself to others is no good because you all have completely different experiences and history. Trust me when I was your age I also longed for what you talk about. I thought just like you. I don't know what it would take to get through to you, but the sooner you change your attitude the better you will be.

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QuestionMarks

I'm not speaking from theory, I'm speaking from experience. I know a multitude of people who give without even a thought of receiving. Their strength comes from God, so they are anything but empty. But they truly are selfless people. It might be theory in your world. It's not in mine. Nothing I say is abstract. It comes wisdom based on experience, tradition , reason, scripture and the prompting of the holly spirit.

Winterwanderer · 26-30, M

But the Bible is full of give & take, as one who has received a gift, use it to serve one another... in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.

We can use the gifts we are given to further serve God & glorify him, the love we ate given can be used just the same, we can have our wellsprings replenished through God & his people.

In the very beginning of humanity, God decided it was not good for man to be alone, God could have easily enabled man to do everything on his own if that was his desire, but he believed that man needed the company of another human being so that man may increase in prosperity.

God himself said it is not good for humans to be alone, they need each other, the love of one another, he didn't explicitly state the reasons, but humans give one another love & understanding in the here & now, though we can be certain God always understands us, it's so hard for us to always feel his love personally, we can gain so much from one another, through each other's love, there's not something wrong with letting others give back to you, with letting them fill you up again.

QuestionMarks

I can see why people get confused by religion. That is all I am going to say to you because I do not agree with you. But I have never let myself get drawn into arguments or debates and it was a mistake to do that here. All I did was offer a heart felt comment. I responded back because the person misunderstood my words and I thought with my response I could get through to her. I was wrong. I will stop now.

mily24

So sorry to hear your going through a difficult time. But I hate to tell you this people will always let you down, they are flawed just as you are, nothing is permanent there no such thing as a permanent state of happiness or sadness. The only thing that is constant and permanent is God, turn to him ask for HIS compassion and his guidance through this crewl world, and trust me just keep on praying even when you feel there's no point, and there will come a point when your heart will soften and you well feel his mercy and compassion, just don't stop praying when things get better show your gratitude through kindness and charity.

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Winterwanderer · 26-30, M

Thank you, wow (c: I'm glad I could say something meaningful to you

mily24

All I am saying is if your compassionate and kind to others for the sake of God then you will never feel disappointed by others behaviours. You know that your reward is with him.

And if people have hurt you as much as you say then it's best to distant yourself from such negative people. I'm not saying cut them off be pleasant but don't engage to much with them. And perhaps also consider the type of people you allow in your life in future. Focus on their action rather then their words, consider what they value and if they value you. This takes time so be patient.

Winterwanderer · 26-30, M

Yeah thank you, I think I really consider more about the people in my life, especially the ones who are able to affect me so directly

camilaespia

You can't have someone else be your way out. You are your way out. But do ask for help, professional help, and don't stop until you find something that works.

Kerennya

{Places hand on Somethingwhispered's shoulder} I am so sorry you feel like this. Message me if you would like to talk. :)

chickacherrycolathecoroner

dont give up. learning to live takes a lot of time, when lack proper guidance. i know from experience. hang in there!

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