I Am So Alone

I don't have a bad attitude, I don't covet, in saying this I'm not jealous, I shine my light, I strive to be a light in the lives of the people around me, but what's exhausting is that there's so little feedback.

I'm not comparing myself to others yo determine where I am, that is not what my statement implied.

I'm without love in my life, I feel pain from this fact, the whole give & take dynamic seems to be me giving & them taking.

Why did you feel that the best option in this circumstance was to make a lot of assumptions and then give me advice based on them?

Showing compassion to others does not necessarily result in a return of compassion, that truly would be ideal, but my feeling burnt out is largely from my great efforts to understand & just be compassionate, but there's little reward besides what I can find loosely scattered

You don't give compassion to get compassion. That wouldn't be true compassion. You might sound like you trumped my answer but you haven't. You opened yourself up to assumptions because you didn't give the whole picture. The problem is never that a person is without love in their life. There are people who stay single their whole lives. There are people who's spouse and every person they love has died before them. Their are people who never have experienced love in their life at all and still make it in life. The fact that you think love is supposed to be handed to you shows you have a wrong mentality. Love is something you give and give freely even if you never have it. Until you understand what love actually is you will never have it. All the things you say you already do above will be like clanging symbols. Don't say you already give love because that can't be possible my true or you wouldn't be preoccupied with how much you aren't getting love.

Actually I take that back- I didn't make a single assumption. I drew everything from what you actually said in your post-the way you worded it and the attitudes that came through.

QuestionMarks, I spoke to him, and what he really needed/needs is for someone to respond to him from their heart and not criticize how he expresses himself. You seem more interested in winning an argument than in hearing or facing someone else's genuine hurt and trying to ease it a bit. I'm all in favor of a good discussion and helping someone understand something better in the right moment, but this young man is parched for some empathy and for someone to just listen to him and try to understand where he's coming from. At the moment, that need is much greater than his need to be helped to understand anything better.

No. That's a mischaracterization of my comment. I was responding to his answer. I showed complete empathy in my first comment and he said I was making assumptions about him. I feel bad but I wasn't going to lie to him. I used to be like him. I was trying to spare him having to waste tears and years of looking for something isn't out there.

Although I think that's a completely admirable intention, I've noticed people don't usually get to where they can really 'hear' that kind of truth without first feeling heard and cared for right where they are. You might say that it's feeling cared for that helps open the heart to receiving truth from another. You may have heard the saying, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." Same thing here. He doesn't know anyone who leaves him feeling cared for, and without that, he can't receive the wisdom you have to impart, no matter how good it might be.

Whenever did you decide that I think I give compassion in order to get compassion? That love is supposed to be handed to me?

I don't feel entitled to it, but of course I desire it, love is such a wonderful, beautiful thing, and I only know that from seeing what it has made of people, the light it brews in them.

You've made this assumption that if you give love you won't feel the pain from a lack of reciprocation, but that's simply not true, truly loving others deeply & honestly takes genuine effort, and it really is exhausting, I don't plan to ever give up, I don't expect others to give it back to me necessarily, but I want it, I want love.

I would love to discuss this, but I don't want to defend myself anymore.

You said 'showing compassion doesn't necessarily result in a return of compassion, which implies that is what you wish would happen'-iI'm sorry if I was wrong about that. I'm wrong but that's how I took it.

Reasoning is actually my forte in real life. It's what I'm known for. Assumptions are required in any conversation because interpretation is required. You made many assumptions about me which it didn't even occur to me to point out to you. Anyway this conversation went south from the moment you read my first comment- which was filled with good roll not judgment. I bothered to read what you write out of 100 other posts I could have commented on because it moved me with compassion. You chose to take it a different way than I intended. It's your choice. I am just saying if you are spending your energy and desire waiting for your love, life is going to pass you by. It can hurt not to receive love back but it doesn't have to if it dies, it is your choice. At one time I would have been in your shoes, but I learned where that path leads. Real love never thinks about self and it always thinks about others. It's always a selfless act.

I didn't miss that. You have a different approach than I do. I don't expect everyone to listen to my comments. It's completely up to them and if they are incapable of it that's up to them too. I'm not here to even try to build relationships with people- that would be completely unfair to them. I am here to simply share my insight it reaction to what they right. I'm very happy there are people like you on this site that can offer more.

On another note, just to state a fact, not to judge, there are thousands of people who have never once felt cared for or loved by another person. They live by one thing: courage. Many are very humble and never say a word to anyone. All they do is think of others even if they get nothing in return. This is the ideal place to be in the world: Love is always selfless and wants to give never to receive. Again this is just a very different philosophy than yours. There is no need to discuss it further.

I did not make many assumptions about you, that is wrong.

'showing compassion doesn't necessarily result in a return of compassion' does not imply that I only give compassion in order to receive it, it might imply that I feel a lack of it & desire it though, but not as a result of my giving it.

Assumptions are extremely limited in themselves, if you're not asking questions, actively seeking to understand someone or something as opposed making assumptions & responding based on those, then you are bound to misinterpret & have bad assumptions.

The conversation went south when you decided to make assumptions about me without checking them, I don't mind advice & compassion, but you came in drew conclusions & said things, but they weren't made with the intent to understand, with compassion, because if they were there would have been more of an effort to truly understand the situation and intent and meaning before something was posted.

Thank you for sharing your perspective - it helps me to understand you better. I partly see where you're coming from with wanting to give more than receive - it's a great idea in theory, and I think it's great to have a mindset that's focused more on giving than receiving, because it can be very easy to get too focused on giving. But I also see two practical problems with it.
1. I can't give effectively on an empty tank. Others tend to experience that as receiving my dregs, and rightly so - that's what I'm giving - my dregs. But if I pause to tank up when I need to and let myself be in that role of receiver, it makes my giving more effective because it's not coming from a place of emptiness anymore - I can give from my overflow.
2. People can't feel close to me if I don't let myself receive from them some of the time. My inability to receive, which I intend as a generous thing, can actually become a barrier to connection. And stop and carry the idea of focusing only on giving at the expense of receiving to its logical extreme for a moment. If everyone is focusing on giving but not on receiving because receiving is deemed less worthy or not OK, where's the meaning in the giving? I offered my gift, but it was put to no good use because receiving is "lesser". Where's the value in that? Giving only has value when it co-exists with receiving, because receiving affirms that what was given has value. And receiving with gratitude strengthens the bond between between giver and recipient! Ok, sorry for extending the discussion, but I felt those points were worth adding - feel free not to respond if you don't want to. :)

Err... Too easy to get focused on RECEIVING, not giving as I stated, lol. Oops!

I'm not speaking from theory, I'm speaking from experience. I know a multitude of people who give without even a thought of receiving. Their strength comes from God, so they are anything but empty. But they truly are selfless people. It might be theory in your world. It's not in mine. Nothing I say is abstract. It comes wisdom based on experience, tradition , reason, scripture and the prompting of the holly spirit.

But the Bible is full of give & take, as one who has received a gift, use it to serve one another... in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.

We can use the gifts we are given to further serve God & glorify him, the love we ate given can be used just the same, we can have our wellsprings replenished through God & his people.

In the very beginning of humanity, God decided it was not good for man to be alone, God could have easily enabled man to do everything on his own if that was his desire, but he believed that man needed the company of another human being so that man may increase in prosperity.

God himself said it is not good for humans to be alone, they need each other, the love of one another, he didn't explicitly state the reasons, but humans give one another love & understanding in the here & now, though we can be certain God always understands us, it's so hard for us to always feel his love personally, we can gain so much from one another, through each other's love, there's not something wrong with letting others give back to you, with letting them fill you up again.

I can see why people get confused by religion. That is all I am going to say to you because I do not agree with you. But I have never let myself get drawn into arguments or debates and it was a mistake to do that here. All I did was offer a heart felt comment. I responded back because the person misunderstood my words and I thought with my response I could get through to her. I was wrong. I will stop now.