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I'm A Lover Not A Fighter But I'll Fight For What I Love

Would you commit to never talking to a person of the opposite gender (except a therapist or clergy) about your relationship with your spouse since this builds a bond outside of your marriage?

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Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

Hmm no |I wouldn't do that.. I think it's unhealthy to be too insular and for one person to expect the other never to have friends, conversations etc with people of the opposite sex. .

Madeleine · 41-45, F

@Adaydreambeliever Is it a deal breaker for you?

Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, F

@Madeleine yes absolutely... a) because it's unrealistic.. you'd have to talk to opposite sex in work and in shops etc... and b) because if someone were so insecure and didn't trust us to the extent they wanted us not to talk to others of the opposite sex then that's worrying.. In marriage too being paranoid about others of opposite sex seems controlling... and well unhealthy...

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

A good idea in general...But sometimes that kind of total loyalty can lead to prolonging an abusive relationship. Friends can help you get a more realistic perspective on that kind of situation. It is my observation that therapists are more likely to be manipulated by an abusive spouse than your friends are; that's why abusive people usually attempt to socially isolate their victims. Keep your marriage private and don't discuss the intimate side of your marriage with anyone of either gender...unless you suspect abuse. Then...talk to the friend or relative he/she least wants you to talk to.