I just can`t wait for warm weather....My wife is furious at our neighbour who sunbathes topless in her backyard. Personally, I`m on the fence.
"are you tired of your old knives too dull to make the cut?" As a kid, I vaguely remember a scene like this from a commercial and I thought it was the most hilarious thing ever *Struggles and fails to cut a bread loaf with a door stopper*
Redneck word of the day fetusWe had a company meeting and I got hungry and I said when you gonna fetus?
Employment, joke, kind ofI asked my boss why he only hired married men. He said we are used to taking orders and being yelled at😂
Marriage jokeA woman was laying in bed and said to her husband make me scream with one finger, so he poked me in the eye!!!
Genie in a bottle jokeI found a genie in a bottle. He granted me ten wishes I said wait I thought it was three? The genie said well all the trouble you’re in you’re gonna need 10.
Good Samaritan, not really jokeI senior lady had her credit card declined at the grocery store so I helped her out it took longer than I thought putting her groceries back
Traffic, citation, joke, kind ofA cop pulled me over for speeding I said, can I get a warning he said you’ll get a warning when pigs fly I answered you on helicopters don’t you?
Marriage, joke, kind ofHusband and the wife are sitting on the porch. The husband is drinking whiskey. He says I love you the wife says thanks the husband says no I was talking to the whiskey.
My wife’s exMy wife should be her ex at the end of the bar. She turned him down for a marriage I said oh he still celebrating, huh?
Being a jackass jokeSo a dude was trying to find his car in a parking lot. Every time he held up his remote, I honked my horn.
Technology, joke, kind ofThe first computer was on Apple. It was owned by Adam and Eve it had low capacity, one biyte and everything crashed.
Clothing, joke, kind ofI texted my wife and said I tripped over your bra this morning. She said yeah it was a booby trap.