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I Am a People Pleaser

All my decisions in life have been taken on the basis of a single line of thought "I don't wanna hurt X", OR "I don't wanna hurt Y" OR "I don't wanna hurt Z". Not for a single instance have I stopped to consider how I might feel about a certain decision. When it comes to conflicting interests, I try to go for the solution that hurts the minimum number of people or one that causes the minimum amount of sadness to people, regardless of what it does to me. I have been a people pleaser for so long that I don't know what makes me happy anymore! Lol

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DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

I was the same way for 30 years of my life. You better STOP that way of living now, because I promise you will wake up one day and realize you essentially wasted so much time living for other people (and I guarantee they wouldn't do the same for you).

Spokeskitties75 · 46-50, M

@DearAmbellina2113 I’m glad to hear that you woke up and are being real to yourself.

Rokasu · 36-40, M

@DearAmbellina2113 I went through the same vein. Probably the same length of time too. And yeah it's super destructive on you individually. Everyone else will just keep on taking advantage of it.

slobound · 46-50, M

It’s hard to watch out for number one when trying to make everybody happy. I struggled with that for years and years and allowed myself to become a human doormat. It cost me dearly and I lost myself in the process. There’s a song from a funny musical that says “you’ve gotta go after the things you want while you’re still in your prime, there’s a fine fine line between love and a waste of your time.” A friend put me onto that show and I realized the simplicity of the song held a lot of truth. After a lot of time in a dark place I started realizing I had to find my own happiness before worrying about that of others.

TheIncredibleHulka · 31-35, F

@slobound Glad that you overcame it. Idk does counselling help?

slobound · 46-50, M

@TheIncredibleHulka Therapy and medication were major parts of retraining how I see myself and how I react and interact with others. My depression has been in remission for almost 10 years now and I am truly happy with my life and I am able to help others now without losing sight of myself

Rokasu · 36-40, M

I think I have a similar predicament with a co-worker of mine. Long story short, we have to have a meeting in order for all of us to single them out. It's just how it is sometimes.

More on the vein of your discussion, you should definitely try to put yourself first. Other people don't give a fuck about you, and they'll let it show.

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Rokasu · 36-40, M

@TheIncredibleHulka That's rough dude. No self love? God if I didn't have that I would be royally fucked, and to be honest, I didn't for a long time. Now I'm equally as much of an asshole as every one else. Only difference is I keep my distance and control my social urges.

Really hope you don't feel that way for real dude. We need more brilliant folks like you making differences.

TheIncredibleHulka · 31-35, F

@Rokasu lol thanks dude. Nah this will pass I guess. That's my problem I'm way too busy keeping up with my good girl image.

Rokasu · 36-40, M

@TheIncredibleHulka Good deal man. I feel like no bullshit Hulka would tear some shit up.

Oneofthestormboys · 100+, M

Yep, that sounds so familiar.
Worst thing is that you get taken advantage of, which is what’s happened to me. It sucks.

Spokeskitties75 · 46-50, M

There is a realistic medium between being happy and making others happy. And you have to strike that balance.

MrBrownstone · 46-50, M

Libra?

TheIncredibleHulka · 31-35, F

@MrBrownstone Nope. Scorpio.

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