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I Want To Tell You What I'M Doing Today

Today I'm being verbally abused via text, by a man I met at an online dating site - whom I have met IRL exactly one time.

When we talked on the phone the first time, I had doubts, but in the name of "giving him a fair chance" and not being "too picky," I agreed to meet with him. We met at a chain restaurant where he ate a meal and I had a snack. The IRL meeting did not change my feelings about him. At the end of it, I thanked him for the food; when he mentioned seeing each other again, I said, "Let me think about it."

So this morning, he texted me a couple of times. To put this in context, I work normal business hours. I should not have to answer non-emergency texts from people I don't know very well immediately. I was planning, later this afternoon, to politely tell him I'm not interested.

He started sending me a series of ranty, verbally abusive texts, and tried to call me. (I sent it to voicemail. When he shut up texting for 5 minutes, I sent him the following text:

"[man's name], this is not normal.

We met each other exactly one day ago. I told you yesterday that I needed more time to think about it.

You don't get an instant serious girlfriend just because we met one time.

By ranting like this at me, you have shown me that you are not a man I want to date. You don't get to yell at me and say bad things to me, because I don't answer you immediately.

Please don't contact me again."

He has since sent some more ranty texts and tried to call me.

Thank god I gave him a burner number, not my real number; and did not tell him where I live.

What do you guys think about this?
Peaches · F
SmartKat!!!👍🏼😉Much smarter than I was when I was dating. I let a guy come to my house I had met on a phone service dating site. When I went to the bathroom he slipped that date rape drug in my drink?!🍹😱When I was sitting on the couch I noticed he had scooted over way to the other end, I was getting really sleepy and just wanted to lay down there....I realized something was wrong and barley made it to the front door and outside. My neighbor was outside and asked if something was wrong? I said I don't feel well and my neighbor told the guy to leave. He called me later cussing me out because he said he drove a long way to meet me, OMG?!!! 😰Just be careful out there. This is a world of instant gratification for many!
SmartKat · 56-60, F
@Peaches: I use a burner phone for dating, and I take my time about letting anybody know where I live.
Peaches · F
@SmartKat: I've never even heard of a "burner phone," guess you can tell I don't use cell phones. Yeah don't let them come over...I am too trusting and have learned many lessons the hard way.🥀
SW-User
So sorry for you Kat first off you don't deserve that however you treated him, which by your description was all perfectly fine.

I hope he gets to reflect on his behaviour soon and makes attempts to change it.
SmartKat · 56-60, F
@Nunos50: I never want to see him or talk to him again. I wasn't into him to begin with; and if he acts like this when he doesn't get the answer he wants, right away....he scares me.
SW-User
@SmartKat: rightly so. Stay well clear
diablesse · 56-60, F
He sounds like one angry person. You handled it perfectly. I think you should report him to the dating site and spare others his mad rantings.
firefall · 61-69, M
Sadly, not too surprising. Too many ppl (middle-aged men in particular) feel so deeply entitled that they expect any woman to instantly accede to their every message and impulse.

Unless you're feeling very desparate, trust your doubts: you're under no obligation to take on considerable risks in the name of being fair to them.

I hope you preserve all his texts - in case he manages to find you somehow, it might be needed to convince the police of his craziness; at the least, it may well come up as an issue via the online dating site (which you might want to notify about this behaviour, I guess).
mrmoose · 70-79, M
i think you really need to be careful, on line people can be very dangerous. i've met 3 women from EP, and they were very nice, sweet and kind
spkfrly · 61-69, F
First of all, you are smart that have a burn phone. How smart is that:-)

Sorry this happened. I had one with "great" credentials grab me. Local and Ivy League grad. We had no alcohol and when leaving me he grabbed my breast. It hurt so bad. The next day I had fingerprints in the form of bruises.

Where are the men worthy of us? We have learned. We would have rather be alone than live like we did.

Thank you for posting. It is hard for me to share what it's like. Dating is difficult when you know what you don't want but don't know what exactly you want.
SW-User
I think you handled it very well. It goes without saying that he was not being reasonable.

What do you take away from this experience?
lasergraph · 70-79, M
Borderline stalking sounds like. Keep copies of every threat you get from him, you may need it sometime down the road.
JustNik · 51-55, F
I think you are wicked smart that you gave him a burner number. I hope he doesn't have enough info to find you. That is scary stuff.
RealtaReoite · 61-69, M
Beautiful Kat, you are very perceptive and you have great instincts. Trust yourself.

You are not obligated to give anybody a "fair chance". And you should be very picky. You deserve "wonderful". If it doesn't feel right to you on the first call, just say "thanks, but no thanks" and move on.

And just a hint... if you find yourself needing "more time to think about it", it's time to stop thinking about it.

As for that guy... you can do better. Waaaaaaaaay better.
minarth008 · 61-69, M
You did the right thing, be glad he is gone from your life, and not much has come of it. I would say in the future, maybe follow your instinct, a be a little picky. I know that sucks, but best to leave it to emails for awhile, then maybe text, then meeting, don't rush into anything. If they don't have the patience for that, then they probably aren't worth your time.
Sounds to me like you handled it grandly. But I would consider reporting him to the dating site-and warning them this is how he behaved-and may do the same with others. You were smart to give him the number you did. Can you block his number? To prevent these annoying calls?

He sounds like one a bit too desperate and a bit to unwired.
iwritestories · 41-45, F
Online dating can be so tricky. You never really know what you're getting on the other side of that computer. I'm sorry it's been such a struggle. You deserve so much better. I'd block as much as you can and move onto someone different.
Sweet517 · 51-55, F
Sorry you had to go through this. It's really a jungle out there. Online dating is common these days but still due diligence is advisable. Thank goodness he does not have your address or real phone number
Diesel95 · 36-40, MVIP
I think ya chalk this one up to experience and try not to let is affect you to badly in the future when it comes to meeting people we ain't all crazies like this guy appears to be
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
He doesn't sound right and it's better to block him and move on. Hopefully u gave him no personal info such as where you work or anything.
voodoo1970 · 51-55, M
I think guys like that give online dating a bad name. I hate that people might gave been put off because of those sorts of experiences
PTCdresser57 · 61-69, M
Block his number coming to your phone.
PTCdresser57 · 61-69, M
Good SmartKat...hopefully he doesnt have your email.
SmartKat · 56-60, F
@PTCdresser57: Emails are easy to get rid of, if necessary - just create a Gmail account for certain people. Delete if necessary.
PTCdresser57 · 61-69, M
True SmartKat...I just despise guys that cant take a hint.
aldnazmeister · 56-60, M
😮 That guy is off of his rocker. Sounds like you played it very well.
Sorry that you had to go through that.
SW-User
It doesn't surprise me. It makes me glad you ladies take precautions.
river52 · 70-79, M
scary for sure......I would let the dating site know about this...
Jackaloftheazuresand · 26-30, M
Strong and intelligent woman right there
SW-User
Hope you have better luck next time you venture out.
Nickos · 31-35, M
You did great love 😇
karlsway · 41-45, M
Weird people out there
newtomountainlife · 56-60, M
Crazy!! 😮
Vetrov · 61-69, M
People don't want to wait.
It's the Atomic Age.
SW-User
Think you would be a whole lot better off texting me😀

 
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