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I Am Grieving

It's been almost 2 months.
The services are over. The cards and casseroles have dried up and for everyone else it is done and life has moved on. As far as friends many don't know what to say so they avoid me. I guess that is normal. I really don't have anything interesting to say except that my son died and I am grieving and for right now that IS my life. I am not the same person so you can either toss your previous perceptions of me and wait it out or move on. (This is directed at no one, I am speaking in a general sense.)
What am I doing? I am drinking my water and trying to eat. I am slowly regaining the ground I lost in my exercise regimen. I am doing my chores. I am writing and drawing and going to my grief group. I make myself talk to close friends when I really want to be left alone in my thoughts. I get up each morning and remember and then force myself into routines wishing for it to be dark so I can go to bed. All of this takes an unbelievable amount of energy when what I want to do is give up and drown.

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SW-User

Please accept my deepest condolences on your loss. I know exactly what you're talking about. Your reaction is very normal. You are doing the things that we all do when we lose someone special in our lives. It's frustrating when friends can't comprehend the depth of our grief. I wish I could tell you it's going to get better. It's going to be different and you will learn to live with the changes. I promise you, you will eventually laugh again and feel like doing some of the things you used to enjoy. It's a process. For some of us, it just takes a lot longer to work through it. Sending you a huge mountain of hugs. 🤗

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ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@SW-User You really did, thank you.

SW-User

@ravenwind43 You're welcome. I've been hit or miss on here lately but I'll keep my eyes open for your posts.

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@SW-User TY. I am not here that much since this happened myself, but I appreciate that.:)

LyricalOne · F

I am so very sorry for your loss and for becoming a member of a club you never wanted to join. Prayers and hugs for you.

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@LyricalOne Thank you. Yes, the last club I ever wanted to join, so right.

Peaches · F

I haven't seen you in a long time and am so sorry to hear about your son!😢I've had these exact feelings too, especially wanting it to be dark so I can just go back to bed. 😔 I felt like that when my sister was killed in a car accident, we never knew she was pregnant. Healing prayers sent your way.🙏🏼✨👼

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@Peaches Hi Peaches and thank you. I am not here much recently as I am trying to go through this grieving process. I am sorry about your sister as well...nice to see you.

Peaches · F

@ravenwind43 Take your time...thank you too. 💐Take care.

SW-User

One of my favorite writers said this:

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@SW-User One of my favorite authors as well and I well know those lines...they ring very true and thank you for sharing them. ((hug))

PoetryNEmotion · F

I am sorry for your precious loss. I can only imagine and I do not want to. I have only one son. You take all the time you need. There is no deadline or timeline to grief. I am sure you are doing the best you can under horrible circumstances. I lack the right words. Keep on keeping on. If I may help, let me know. Time goes on and people forget your loss. They still care. Can you remind them that it is always fresh for you, may I ask?

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@PoetryNEmotion Thank you..he was my only child as well. It's a daily struggle but I am trying to hang on. Yes I try to convey that to my close friends and I know in this situation it's hard to know what to say. Thank you for commenting.

WildHeart · 41-45, F

I feel your sorrow, I can understand your pain. Grieving is one of the hardest things I had to bear, the hurt never goes away.

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@WildHeart TY....I am trying to stay afloat but it's sooo so hard when I want to give up.

WildHeart · 41-45, F

@ravenwind43 No amount of words will be enough comfort m'dear. I know your world is crumbling down, its okay to just cry it out. I wish to send you lots of virtual hugs. 🤗🤗

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@WildHeart TY very much...surprised my eyes haven't turned perpetually red ((hug))

GingerPeach · F

Timing is different for everyone, but it usually takes about a year before people feel like they can get back into life after suffering the loss of a loved one.
There are many changes you will go thru before you reach that point and you must allow yourself to go thru them.
There is no right or wrong and you have to take care of you no matter what.
If you have family or friends that are there for you, lean on them for the comfort you need.
Sometimes it helps to join a group who has been thru the same thing you have.

Just don't try to do this alone. I hope the best for you.

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@GingerPeach I have joined a grief group yes. This is a grief I haven't known before. Thank you.

lasergraph · 70-79, M

I am so very sorry for your loss. Most of your friends mean well but are at a loss as to how to help. Nothing really can. Time helps but doesn't really heal.

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@lasergraph TY...yes it makes things awkward and I can understand why it happens.

SW-User

It's strange how people react differently. Spouses seem to have a tough time. Children can adapt in short time.

Snuffy1957 · 61-69, M

:( I'm so sorry for your loss... I can't imagine how horrible that feels :-( please don't give up! Honor your son's life and move forward... I pray you will find the peace within you to do so!

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Snuffy1957 · 61-69, M

@ravenwind43 I can just imagine! Just wake up everyday knowing you were graced with his presence for the time you were and tell yourself you are going to go on living for him!
You WILL see him again someday :-)

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@Snuffy1957 TY...I believe I will too:)

Snuffy1957 · 61-69, M

@ravenwind43 YW... good, because I know you will !

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

I cannot even imagine. My heart aches for you.

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@Starcrossed TY...I appreciate your words:)

Cierzo · M

Sorry again for your loss. Don't try to do more. Stick to routines, try to keep your mind busy and away from thoughts.Don't worry about being the same person or not. Only about getting through it.

You sound like a strong person. It will be hard but you will get through it.

Hugs.

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@Cierzo TY

NewKidInTown · 51-55, M

My thoughts and prayers are with you, my friend. Take as much time as you need. Things will never return to how they were. Instead, you will discover and create your new normal, one that I hope you find the beginning of, soon.
xo

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@NewKidInTown A new normal...yes that is what it will be...ty ((hugs))

NewKidInTown · 51-55, M

@ravenwind43 🤗

Quimliqer · 70-79, M

My heart goes out to you for your loss.
Your words ring true, when the funeral is done, so is the support, except a few who care.
We deal with the grief, but the silence is deafening.

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@Quimliqer Yes. I relate to your last sentence so much...thank you.

Leftyss · 56-60, M

Awe big🤗🤗 so sorry for ur loss. Can only imagine how difficult it is. Everyone has a purpose here. And only so hard when you loose someone you gave birth to...

Again sorry for ur loss

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@Leftyss TY...yes it's unbearable at times.

Highonheels · 51-55, M

I have three kids of my own and I can’t imagine losing even one of them , about 6 months ago my kids were in a house fire and had to exscape from the flames they weren’t hurt but when my wife called me and told me what had happened that was all I could think of was are the girls ok, I’m sure it was a very traumatic experience for them though, well anyway I’m not trying to overshadow your loss I’m just trying to be empathetic to the way your feeling but I can’t even imagine what that would be like ,

I’m so sorry for your loss hun , I know it must be very hard to deal with but I’m glad your going to that grievance support group it helps it really does

SW-User

oh my..I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through.

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SW-User

@ravenwind43 I can understand how your friends feel..they'll think that anything they say won't help..it won't ease your pain. Avoiding you is harsh, they don't really need to say much. A hug says a thousand words. I hope things get easier for you over time. God bless 🤗

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@SW-User Yes and to be fair I can't always speak to people either. I want people around and I don't...how can they figure that out moment to moment?? ...so I want to be understanding too.

SW-User

@ravenwind43 there's no rules, no right or wrong

Livingwell · 61-69, M

My heart goes out to you for your loss. You’re incredibly brave and strong. Big hugs! 🤗

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@Livingwell Thank you. I don't feel that way at the moment. ((hug))

SW-User

Oh no, sorry for your loss God Bless, no words.

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@SW-User Thank you.

SW-User

@ravenwind43 😓

Magenta · F

Warmth and soothing hugs to you. 🤗🤗

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@Magenta Thank you ((hug))

Magenta · F

@ravenwind43 I miss you and think of you often my lovely one. I hope for healing to come.. 💙💜

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@Magenta I appreciate that...and it will come in time...I have to go through this process whether I like it or not. Hope you are well.💮

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ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@KellyLancaster Thank you:)

DIMaverick4 · 41-45, M

Hugs

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@DIMaverick4 TY

newtomountainlife · 61-69, M

🤗

Zonuss · 41-45, M

There are no words to express how I feel abiut this loss personally. What makes this upsetting is that this has happened to you. We all have dealt with death at one time or another. But to lose a child is very different ordeal. I want you to know that we are here for you and that we are supportive of any decisions you decide to make concerning this site. This is a dark time yes but as time goes on I want you to live out your life the best way that you possibly can. Because that is what your son would have wanted you to do. Thank you my friend. God Bless You. 😌

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