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I Am Grieving

It's been almost 2 months.
The services are over. The cards and casseroles have dried up and for everyone else it is done and life has moved on. As far as friends many don't know what to say so they avoid me. I guess that is normal. I really don't have anything interesting to say except that my son died and I am grieving and for right now that IS my life. I am not the same person so you can either toss your previous perceptions of me and wait it out or move on. (This is directed at no one, I am speaking in a general sense.)
What am I doing? I am drinking my water and trying to eat. I am slowly regaining the ground I lost in my exercise regimen. I am doing my chores. I am writing and drawing and going to my grief group. I make myself talk to close friends when I really want to be left alone in my thoughts. I get up each morning and remember and then force myself into routines wishing for it to be dark so I can go to bed. All of this takes an unbelievable amount of energy when what I want to do is give up and drown.
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SW-User
One of my favorite writers said this:

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
ravenwind43 · 51-55, F
@SW-User One of my favorite authors as well and I well know those lines...they ring very true and thank you for sharing them. ((hug))