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Since when does wanting to make your partner happy, a bad thing?
[c=#7700B2]got in first argument with my boyfriend a few hours ago. He is angry that I always want to make him happy. He said that I don't put myself first ever and that I need to do things that make me happy... Well making him and those I love happy is what makes me happy.
I don't get how that's a bad thing. Guys confuse me so much [/c]
26-30, F
21 replies
Nov 21, 2016
Mrpauldavies · 56-60, M
It's a wonderful thing
JoyfulSilence · 41-45, M
Every once in a while pause and allow him to make you happy. Maybe he wants to do that. Maybe he wants to give too, and not receive most of the time.
Better not let the feminists see put your man first? Off with her head! She has betrayed the Sisterhood!
Making someone else happy is a wonderful thing. I would be willing to bet that he isn't really mad that you try to make him happy. I think he is most likely dealing with feelings of guilt because he feels like you are always doing things he likes, eating the foods he likes, watching the shows he likes, etc. He wants to make you happy too but likely feels that he can't because he feels like you aren't being honest with him about what you like or don't or what you want.

We as guys really want to know what you women want and how to please you.
PlumBerries · 26-30, F
[c=#7700B2]thanks for the post. I will keep that in mind [/c]
curiosi · 56-60, F
The problem is you are turning yourself into a slave. It's not pleasant feeling like a slave master.
PlumBerries · 26-30, F
[c=#7700B2]i guess that wouldn't feel pleasant for him[/c]
SW User
Give him some space. That's all he is asking.😂
This actually sounds like a very healthy argument and it tells me that you have the foundations of a strong relationship. You are both looking out for each other's interests.

Let me make his point for him, but using your own framework to understand it. What he is saying in an implicit way is that you will make him happier if he sees you working on ways to raise your own happiness on your own. I don't think you have to necessarily be successful at that either. I think he wants to just see you make the effort.

I won't speculate on his motives, but from your point of view you can motivate yourself by knowing that the effort you put into that he will see and it will improve his satisfaction with the relationship. I realize it might be out of your comfort zone and what you do from habit. This is a great topic for a therapy session as well.
PlumBerries · 26-30, F
[c=#7700B2]we ended up talking again and everything seems ok now I guess.. Me and him like a lot of the same things, so if he ever suggests to do something I have no problem with it.. I guess that came off to him as him thinking I only ever do what he wants, but from my point of view is I enjoy doing a lot of things he wants. Some things I don't but I do them to make him happy, just like he does for me at times..

It makes me happy to see him happy, I just want to be the best girlfriend that I can be[/c]
@PlumBerries: That's a totally valid response, but from his point of view it actually is important that you stated it as "*I* enjoy doing some of the same things you do." That makes it sound like you are pursuing the things you like to do, and you just happen to like some of the same things.

Anyway, no problems here. Carry on. :)
meemo70 · 46-50, M
it is not a bad thing :) I think he wants the same for you.. he wants you to be happier and that makes him happy... he prioritizes you over himself, be happy :)
PlumBerries · 26-30, F
[c=#7700B2]we are great now. We had a long talk and I see his side of it now and didn't realise that he felt the way he did. I have never had a boyfriend who wants me to put myself first ever, so I guess I got used to doing things a certain way and not thinking of myself so much [/c]
meemo70 · 46-50, M
@PlumBerries: maybe you finally found the right one :) don't lose him..
PlumBerries · 26-30, F
[c=#7700B2]i think I finally did :D[/c]
bhatjc · 41-45, M
If he is that confuse. Then show him the door
bhatjc · 41-45, M
Just give it time miss plum. See what he does.
PlumBerries · 26-30, F
[c=#7700B2]personally I was happy with how things were before. I'm not big on making decisions and so on and am more then happy for him to do so (except when it comes to movies) but I'm trying to change and make more decisions for us[/c]
bhatjc · 41-45, M
That is good.
pdockal · 51-55, M
not all guys feel this way

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